u/OmniMinuteman

Is there any way to play as Muhammad ibn Musa Hashimid (located in Emir Isa’s court in Medina) on an achievement enabled ironman play through?

I am a baptized Catholic but have since become an agnostic/atheist. I don’t believe in anything supernatural or spiritual but I do have an interest in philosophy and religions and have always found myself reconsidering Catholicism here and there. I have listened to plenty of debates and have heard all of the common arguments on either side. Frankly, when it comes to arguments like the 5 ways, kalam, historical evidence surrounding the resurrection, etc. I just don’t find them to be convincing. Whether I’ve heard counters that I believe sufficiently shut down those arguments or I’m just not convinced and find more naturalistic explanations for these arguments more convincing even if the answer isn’t truly known for sure either way. Nor have I had any personal supernatural experiences or feel like I have received anything resembling an answer to my prayers. I know I will never find a philosophical argument or historical evidence that will 100% confirm that Jesus rose from the dead and is God incarnate and that at some point I will have to take a “leap of faith”, however I just don’t understand how to get there. I can’t fathom making major life altering decisions and lifestyle changes based on something that I don’t feel I have justified evidence for. Especially because of where doing so had led me in the past with a certain other religion. It seems to me the evidence Christianity has for its truth claims is about on par as claims of other religions and if I wouldn’t accept the evidence provided by those groups of people for their faiths I don’t know why I would accept the evidence that Christians have presented thus far? I feel like I am genuinely seeking God but I am not finding him, I have not found faith despite looking. What advice would you give me? What am I missing or not understanding? Thank you.