I can't tell if I'm giving up or if I'm wisely resting.
God bless everyone.
I'm not a Pastor myself, but I am the lead for my Church's Young Adult Ministry. At the start of the year I took on a new team in an attempt to help the ministry grow. With this new team came new rules and procedures of course. It got particularly toxic with one member, who started making ultimatums. Either I went along with what she wanted or she was out.
I tried appeasing her the first few months, but got to the point where it was no longer possible. Eventually she quit, but remained in orbit. Then she started gossiping about me to other team members, as well as to our Overseers.
This led to several back and forth meetings where they talked to us individually. The Pastors then decided to bring us together yesterday for what I knew was going to be an inflammatory meeting, and that's exactly what it was. For close to an hour she flung every insult and accusation she could think of. Then she ends it with "But I love you and I believe you are the leader God intended for us."
Love and forgiveness are a given, but I'm honestly just drained, and kind of hurt. My Pastors meant well but they didn't have the wisdom to understand that this was going to be the exact result. After the meeting I attended the service of a mentor of mine from a sister church who preached about being like Peter in Acts 12:6 and resting and trusting through the hardship. It felt timely, and I was tremendously blessed by his message.
I wear multiple hats in my church and lead or take part in four different ministries. I also work a part time job, as well as finishing my degree. At present, I feel ready to step away. Truthfully, I felt the work was important, but I also enjoyed being needed to help and being able to help. I'm one of the youngest men in my church and I have been compensating for a lot of what the older men weren't able to do anymore. There's also admittedly a certain shame placed on people who step back from the church and I guess that has always sat in the back of my head.
I'd been feeling strongly that God had wanted me to step back since last year, but I kept putting it off because I was asked to be present, particularly by the same person who just laid into me yesterday. Part of me feels my current circumstances are due to my disobedience in taking the rest I should have. This latest incident was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
My dilemma is, I don't know if I'm running away or taking care of myself at this point. Putting down the work feels like abandoning the cause, but I also feel like upholding the cause has made me worse. Any insight?