u/One_Apricot7399

Hi! I wanted to see if anyone related to my situation. I moved back home after graduating college to save money. I'm realizing that I haven't made any new friends since being here. I don't have any friends from high school in the area. I'm thinking of moving to Atlanta soon, but wanted to ask here: are there any sort of clubs around here to meet people? I feel like I normally see couples, families, or high schoolers in the places I go to often. I'm usually just working and being with my family these days.

Hi, hoping this post is ok for this sub since it relates to improving beauty and mental health!

I (25F) have struggled with having good friends for most of my life. I also dealt with undiagnosed mental health conditions and controlling family dynamics as a child. Fast forward to now, I've graduated from college, have a job and am financially independent, and choose to live at home.

I can count my "friends" on one hand. No one came to my graduations. I'm mainly the one checking on them (they'll reach out after a few months if I try to ghost them). Most days, I have 0 texts. I'd say I'm extroverted but have become so shy and quiet that I try to avoid most social situations. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety and started going to therapy. I don't have any social media anymore because I always get so sad seeing the stuff I was clearly not invited to. For a long time, I wished people from high school would reach out to me but no one really did. I struggled with being totally isolated and really lonely in college (which was partially due to pandemic but not entirely).

I'm short, so I'm often mistaken for a teenager. I don't know how to do basic makeup or take care of my wavy, frizzy hair. I'm trying to take small steps to improve my appearance and have a better routine but I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it. 

I know this sounds very cringe but I think I aspire to be a baddie even though I know that I'll probably never get there. I work with a lot of really pretty really smart people and I wish I was like them. I've been in a lot of social situations where I could feel the "prettier" people starting to exclude me and find a way to leave the conversation. I feel like I've always had to push myself to be very friendly and talk to strangers. I think I'm also often talking to or helping people with disabilities (idk how to phrase this nicely I just wanted to say that) and I wish I was in a place where people wanted to talk to me. Like most of my life, I've been helping or serving other people and no one's ever really took the time to help me (besides my parents). I guess I just don't feel like being nice anymore. I think the world's a cruel place and I've been thinking about just disappearing from it all (I suspect I have PMS). My religion is firmly against suicide so I wouldn't actually choose that path, but it's more this feeling like when I see people suffering, I think about switching places so they don't have to feel that way. 

I feel bad that my parents sacrificed so much and my life seems so great on paper and yet I feel this way. I feel especially sad every night. I feel scared for my future. I don't particularly care about dating right now since I just desperately want better friends but I feel like I'm a person that people pity. 

This whole post is probably a lot, but I just wanted someone to listen. I'm just not really sure how to improve my life. I've felt stuck in the same place for a long time. I'd really appreciate any sort of comment!