r/Vindictabrown

And I don’t mean a super hot brown girl being compared to a mid white girl.
I mean, if we take two women both almost equally attractive in terms of looks, won‘t the white girl still be approached more often and considered more conventionally attractive?

I feel like having lighter hair, eyes, features just comes with it’s own novelty factor. Recently, I was sitting in college with a friend. Now I know that she is drop dead gorgeous and I am not right now (overweight and all). After a while she was approached by a guy that had been looking in our direction for quite a bit. I have never once in my life been approached and even past romantic experiences were pretty shit.

Good for her but I wonder if it is even worth it to make the effort to glow up. Will I even ever be considered as attractive? I don’t have light eyes (i feel like lighter eyed south asians are their own group) Sure, my features are not bad (high cheekbones, narrow nose and so on). But even if I manage to look as good as her, won’t she still be considered more attractive simply by being white?

i love my father and he’s a very sweet man. fortunately, while he is open-minded in a lot of things, going out is not one of them. he doesn’t want me going out more than once a week. if i’m not home by 11, it’s a BIG problem. i can’t go out past a 20 mile radius. i understand this is a massive privilege compared to a lot of other brown women, but still, i see a few of my friends not even struggle with this at all.

it sucks because im 23 and a lot of my friends have done multiple out of state trips, can stay out past 11, and can go out spontaneously.

i’ve started holding my ground on a few of these rules, but it’s just so hard because i hate breaking his heart.

it makes me even more upset when i see my mom (a married, middle-aged brown woman) still get into arguments with my dad about going out with her friends. we’re always told “once you get married, that’s when you can do x, y, and z.” but like… a lot of married brown women in my life still aren’t able to do things they want & their wants have to revolve around their husbands.

how do we even earn social autonomy?

Last week I went to visit my uncle and my niece was there. She loves me so much and asked me if I had lipstick. But I didn’t had it. Her mom only allows once in a full moon . And they all restricted even using a lipbalm saying she can use when she's older. So actually I was feeling bad. I saw myself on her , I had the times when makeup was strictly prohibited, even in school and house. They all make a criteria and we follow it. Idk why these brown households are against all these self care. And I have made lip balms, I make it organic. So i made three tubes for her. So I told my mom about it that my niece wants it and I'd like to give her. And she was mocking me about lipsticks and lipbalms. I swear every women are like this. Even when I wear lipsticks I get bullied in this age. Why can't we all appreciate girlhood?? And when we all grow up , they start mocking again for not doing makeup or dressing well.

Think about the model. First convince women they are not enough. Then sell them the solution.

Layer after layer. Product after product. New trend. New standard. New insecurity. New miracle cure.

The finish line keeps moving because reaching it would destroy the business model.

Then they tell you that beauty requires correction. Improvement. Enhancement. Maintenance. Repair.

And if the damage from all those corrections creates new insecurities — wonderful. Now there are more products to sell.

Half a trillion US dollars. Built entirely on the fear of not being enough.

At what point did we start calling this empowerment?

was on a walk with my mother and the topic of marriage was brought up. im a 20 year old, pakistani girl from a middle class family 👧🏻 for what it’s worth. she said she won’t start urging me to marry before 26, which is fine. no complaints regarding that.

she just honed in on how she won’t let me marry outside our religious sect nor let me stay unmarried as i’ll be bringing shame to my family both ways.

she doesn’t know i have a boyfriend who’s not part of our sect (bc hello i don’t want to be ridiculed 😅, they already gave my brother enough hell for even liking somebody from the same sect, so i saw what happens first hand if you’re stupid enough to treat your parents like your friends), but i think my siblings must have snitched because she brought this up only tonight and was adamant about me coming clean. i just stood my ground by not responding lol, i didn’t want more drama.

i calmly explained to her that i’m scared of marriage entirely. i do not have good male role models and none of the women in my family were blessed with normal human beings as their husbands. she told me it was ridiculous for me to believe any of this.

it made me tear up. do i really have no autonomy while im here? is the only way through to avoid their incessant nagging just going to be me agreeing to play a part in making sure their fantasies come true?

my brother earns for our family but they won’t let him make the decision to get married because they don’t like his girlfriend. i fear me earning enough money won’t get them off my ass either.

it makes me feel hopeless — that i’m going to be leaving a box (my overbearing family) just to be stuck in another and hoping for the best (that i don’t have the same fate as the other women in my family).

if someone has been in a similar situation, may you please tell me how you dealt with it? did your parents eventually listen? i think brown parents mistakenly think that being stubborn / manipulative will make their children agree with their demands eventually. it just drives us away.

i feel so alone. idek how to journal about this lmao. life keeps kicking me down 🥲 bleh.

I want to be this cool hot baddie when I go out, but unfortunately that doesn't happen. I can't dance and I don't know how to dance. If I try to dance, I feel so out of place and stiff. Like I get extreme second hand embarrassment for myself when I do dance or try to act sexy when I'm out. Like not even dancing, I don't even know how to move in general w/ out being so stiff. I'm skinny and have no assets. I just feel scrawny. I had a friend tell me she doesn't want to take me out clubbing again b/c my energy puts people off at the club. I'm better when I drink, but I just want to be a naturally confident and sexy person w/ out alcohol. It's just so hard and I don't know how to learn. I don't have many opportunities to go out and practice, b/c I'm in school. I would appreciate any tips or advice!!

So I wonder if there are any alternatives to microneedling . I wanted to try but my doctor advised me against it since I have psoriasis and it( microneedling) can trigger the koebner phenomenon and there is this bald spot that I want to fix . Any advice and tips would be helpful thank you 😊.

Do any of you guys have tattoos? How has your experience been? I would like to get a tattoo, but I have some nagging fears/doubts.

1. Judgement from other Desi folks.

2. How it will look on my skin tone.

I think I have medium-brown skin? Though my legs tan like crazy compared to the rest of my body and can be considered a deep-to-dark brown. I want the tattoo on the calf, but I'm worried that the ink will not be prominent/fade quickly/turn greenish. The greenishness is my biggest concern.

3. Regret.

Either because of the judgement, how it looks, or the ink turning green. I also don't know how it will look/whether I will still like it 30 years down the line when I age. I feel like I'll get even more judgement than I would now because I never see older adults with tattoos, let alone Desi ones.

Any and all advice is appreciated! :)