I have never had an orgasm ever - is something wrong with me?
I have never had an orgasm ever. I have been married to my husband for almost 3 years now, and he is the only man I’ve ever been with, and ever will be with. There isn’t a single thing about him I’d change. I love him to pieces and he absolutely adores me - I couldn’t be more grateful for our thriving marriage.
There is just one thing that I can’t help but think is wrong. I’ve been lying to him since the start of our marriage. I’ve been faking every single orgasm - which I’ve heard is pretty common amongst women anyway, and I’m happy to fake it because he can’t orgasm unless I do.
I wonder if there’s something wrong with me? I love making out with him and all the teasing before intercourse, and he does literally everything in his power to help me too. He holds back until I “orgasm”, and some days where I am too tired to fake it, he’s not able to come. I tell him that I’m 10000% fine if I don’t come and that I love intimacy with him regardless, but he doesn’t like it unless I enjoy myself too, which he sees as me "orgasming".
I’m not too sure what a real orgasm feels like, but I do put on a great show, and I even get lightheaded sometimes because of all the huffing and puffing, which helps it look more realistic lol. Sometimes when he’s in the mood and wants to do it and I don’t have it in me to fake it, I just say I’m not in the mood because he just won’t come if I just lay there, which I would be fine with, but he wouldn’t be.
Is there something wrong with me? My husband is very handsome and perfect in every way, trust me, so it’s not him. Intercourse doesn’t hurt, it just feels like in and out. Sometimes it will feel slightly good, but like a massage would feel good, you know? Is that what it’s supposed to feel like as a woman?
And it’s not that I don’t get turned on. When we have really good makeout sessions, I do get really turned on and I can even get wet sometimes and feel my heartbeat down there, but nothing during intercourse itself.
I really don’t want to tell my husband because he’ll be devastated that I’ve been faking it all this time and won’t trust any future reactions. I’m worried he won’t be able to come ever again and I don’t want to ruin our sex lives, so I’m happy to do this forever. But I just wonder: am I wrong for this? And would there be something to fix me? Because I do wish I could really enjoy sex like he does.
Edit 16/08/26: I told him last night, and it was a very difficult conversation, and he needed to take a long walk to process everything. He told me how heart broken and deceived he felt, and how he's still struggling to process that my reactions were fake, but he also was appreciative at the same time that I was still intimate with him despite not enjoying it like he does. He eventually understood that I didn't have any ill intentions for faking, it was for his own pleasure because he unintentionally reinforced that faking it would get him to finish and for me his pleasure is my priority, just as my pleasure is his priority. I know I was wrong regardless of all his kind excuses, and i'm so thankful that he's so understanding and it also broke my heart to see him playback false memories - but he said he's still glad I managed to tell him the truth, because now we can work on intimacy being a two way street. It's going to be a long journey, but i'm so grateful for having such an understanding partner, I do feel the need to make it up to him somehow (only in an honest way!), and i'm also so grateful for all the advice below. Thank you all so much!