I'm at a loss. Matched into my dream specialty but partner won't move with me
I really could use some advice here and I appreciate the perspectives of so many of you who have gone through this already.
My partner and I were in a long-distance relationship for several years and, last year, finally relocated together for residency in a state neither of us were in before. I ended up reapplying to residency and matching into a competitive specialty I never thought I would get into in another location. Yes, I know very well I messed up by not talking to him about it before re-entering the Match but, honestly, never thought I would get any offers. I only had one interview after applying to every program in the country and ultimately matched into a spot starting in 2027.
My partner has given me an ultimatum that I decide between staying with him and moving for this position. It's an advanced spot, so I have time to withdraw if need be. He'a refusing to even consider relocating again, since we just moved for this first residency position. It hurts because I understand where he's coming from- he's sacrificed a lot to move for me already and I hate that I made him move for a position I thought I would stay in. I'm just feeling pretty numb right now.
It might be a move that his work allows, but it's not something he's willing to investigate. He has no interest in living in the state where the program is and says it's not something he'll even consider. I imagined he'd be annoyed and frustrated about this, but I didn't think he'd be so closed off to the idea of relocating again. I feel crushed with the prospect of choosing between an amazing opportunity and amazing partner.
Edit:
Yes, I'm aware the communication was a breakdown. I made this post because I was hoping to get practical advice from couples who have been a similar situation before. I'm wondering if there's any way I can relocate without causing significant disruption to his own career