At What Point Do You Stop Trying?
I (30F) got married about 6 months ago and my husband and I live abroad. His parents are currently staying with us, and honestly, the experience has been extremely difficult for me.
From the beginning, my MIL seemed to expect me to completely change who I am. I'm naturally a reserved and independent person, but despite that, I've always tried to be respectful, spend time with them, help around the house, and make them feel welcome.
Whenever I didn't meet their expectations, I was criticized. I've been called hurtful names, cursed, and even told things that felt like they were cursing my marriage. They've also said that my husband has become my "slave" since marrying me.
The biggest issue is that my husband has never really stood up for me in the moment. To be fair, he does speak to them privately afterward and tells me that he supports me, but he never addresses it directly when it happens. As a result, I always feel alone during these confrontations.
Over the last 6 months, I've tried to make amends multiple times—at least 5 times. I've apologized, tried to start fresh, and overlooked a lot of disrespect because I wanted peace in the family.
Last week, things escalated again. I stayed quiet and avoided arguing, but afterward my husband spoke to both his parents. Their response was that everything depends on me fixing the situation. The problem is, I genuinely don't even know what I've done wrong.
For context, I work full-time. After coming home from work, they expect me to sit and talk with them continuously and help in the kitchen. I don't mind helping out, but if I spend some time in my room afterward, that becomes an issue. It feels like having any personal space is seen as disrespectful.
Now my husband says that since his parents are leaving the country permanently soon, we should make one final effort to reconcile. He wants me to go to them, say sorry (even though I don't know what I'm apologizing for), and ask everyone to forget what happened.
The problem is that my heart isn't in it anymore. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've been the only one expected to compromise, and the constant criticism has started affecting my mental health. I'm spiraling into anxiety and depression, and I don't know how much more I can take.
Am I being stubborn or unreasonable for not wanting to apologize again?