I’ve looked at every weekend from October 30
onwards. Prices in normal hotels are 400$+ a night. Even average Hotels like Kirketon are pushing $400 a night. Is there no way people can afford to stay in Sydney without blowing 1000$ a weekend on accommodation. It’s crazy. I’d rather travel overseas for that price.
Throwaway because I don’t know who else to ask.
I’m 25 and my boyfriend is 38. We’ve been together since earlier this year. We don’t live together.
I’ve recently bought an apartment and moved out of home, and honestly I’ve been pretty focused on establishing my own life. The house needs a lot of work and I’ve been spending a lot of weekends dealing with it. My mom and dad is also involved and I see her fairly regularly while I’m sorting everything out.
I knew my boyfriend wasn’t thrilled about how much time the house was taking up. He’s mentioned wanting more weekend time together and I’ve told him he needs to be patient while I get through this period.
Our normal routine has basically been seeing each other one night during the week. He comes over around 7pm, we have dinner, hang out and go to bed around 11. We don’t really go out on those nights.
Sex has also been pretty infrequent. I’m not someone who wants sex every time we see each other. Sometimes I’m just not interested.
Our last proper Saturday together was 1 August. Since then we’ve had the usual weekday contact but haven’t had another substantial weekend together.
Over the last couple of weeks he’s become noticeably quieter when we’re apart.
He used to text me constantly. We’d talk about our days, send memes, photos and random things. Recently he’s sometimes barely messaged at all. He goes days without initiating a message
At first I didn’t really know what to make of it. He stopped replying to some things I’d sent him, including a haircut photo. He didn’t explain why he didn’t answer one of my calls either.
I noticed, but I didn’t want to start an argument over texting.
He still sees me Tuesday and everything seems normal when we’re actually together, so I assumed this was just him being annoyed and eventually we’d get back to normal.
Then he dropped something pretty significant on me.
He told me that he’s unhappy with the amount of sex we’re having and the amount of meaningful time we’re spending together. He said he doesn’t think it’s reasonable for him to remain sexually exclusive indefinitely while we’re barely having sex and I’m spending most weekends doing my own thing.
He wants to open the relationship so he can have sex with other people.
I wasn’t expecting that.
What makes it difficult is that I don’t actually feel like I’ve done anything deliberately wrong. I’ve been honest that I need independence. I bought a house because I wanted to establish my own life. I don’t want to feel like being in a relationship means giving up my weekends or having to account for how I spend my time.
But now I’m being told that my version of independence has consequences for the relationship.
He’s basically saying he doesn’t want to stop me from doing what I want, but he also doesn’t want to remain completely monogamous while receiving very little sex and limited couple time.
I understand the logic, but emotionally it still feels like a huge escalation.
Part of me feels like I’ve been given an ultimatum I didn’t ask for.
I thought we were going through a temporary period where I’d be busy with the house, and that we’d eventually have more time together.
He seems to be saying that he doesn’t want to wait around indefinitely and has already started adjusting how attached he is when we’re apart.
He isn’t demanding that I text him more. He isn’t constantly asking where I am. He still sends me things occasionally and still expects to see me Tuesday.
But now I’m wondering whether he’s already emotionally stepped back and this is his way of making the relationship fit the life I’m choosing.
I also don’t know how I feel about him having sex with other people.
I don’t want to control him, but I don’t know whether I can genuinely be comfortable with an open relationship either.
And I don’t know whether I can suddenly provide the amount of sex or weekend time he wants.
So I’m sitting here thinking that I may have underestimated what being in a relationship actually requires
I’m not sure whether this is something we can negotiate or whether we’ve discovered a fundamental incompatibility?