I just recognized the futility of all my life goals. Materialism/hedonism are distractions from a nihilistic reality
I don’t know if losing interest in my goals made me recognize their meaninglessness or if their meaninglessness made me lose interest in them.
I used to be so obsessed with making money, educating myself, having high status, dating, external validation, material gain, you name it. I just realized how meaningless it is. Yeah, sure you can enjoy those things as long as your alive. But I was hit by an epiphany and come to realize that if I really got everything I ever wanted, I’d still be the same apathetic, pessimistic, and empty person I am behind all the facades and phases I’ve had.
I had a hedonistic view on life and I thought my only happiness would come from material gain, relationships, traveling, extravagant experiences etc. It was my reason to get out of bed for years until one day I just realized that those things will never make me happy. And spirituality is definitely not the answer to this emptiness.
Nothing will make me content, happy or fulfilled. Everything is underwhelming. I’m not depressed. I just think there’s no point in pursuing some of these hedonistic and materialistic goals anymore because they won’t make me as happy and fulfilled as I thought they were. To be honest, I miss having that slave mentality of worshipping money, material possessions, status, and superficial stuff. At least it gave me consolation and happiness in my perplexing existence.
I genuinely can’t find motivation anymore, even though I function properly. Like I said, I’m not depressed. I just feel a sense of apathy and nihilism. The most unrealistically extravagant rewarding experience I could think of when I was a full blown hedonist, would give me the same dopamine spike that eating pizza in my bed would.
What do I do now? Do I just hope I return to my normal state? Hedonism is delusion, but I enjoy the delusion.