Has my relationship become abusive?
I'm trying to work out whether I'm overreacting or if this relationship has become abusive. We've been together nearly six years, and this behaviour has only started over the last months, but it has escalated really quickly. Looking back, it started with threats and intimidation. For example, he threatened violence against me, and on one occasion he threatened to rip my hair out. That frightened me and i would often go quiet. He still threatens and intimidates me now, but over time it has become physical as well. It now feels like there's almost something every day. On separate occasions he's grabbed my hair, pinned me down, pushed me against the wall, held my face, pushed my head into the bed, and during sex he has choked me, even though we'd never agreed to that. He has pinned my nose shut so that I struggled to breathe and once used my own hand to hit me. A lot of it happens when he's acting as if he's just playing around or joking, but it frightens me. If I get upset, he often minimises what happens, blames me, says it was a joke or apologises afterwards, but the behaviour keeps happening. I have told him that he scares me and nothing has changed. Afterwards, he'll sometimes act completely normal or even affectionate, which leaves me questioning myself. I don't always realise how serious it was until later. In the moment, I end up thinking maybe I'm overreacting because of how he explains it, but the next day I'll think back what happened and realise how frightening it actually was. It feels like I keep second guessing my own judgement. Sex used to feel loving, but now I'm scared because I never know what he's going to do. I don't trust him anymore and I feel like I've become numb. Has anyone experienced something similar and does this sound like abuse?