u/OriginApplepie

I (18F) moved out of my mom’s house about 7 months ago and now she keeps asking me to come back, but I honestly don't want to.

For some background, my parents divorced when I was young. A few years ago my mom got remarried and had another daughter. My little sister is 5 now. I don't hate her or anything, I've always been nice to her, but I've never felt the super close sibling bond my mom imagined we'd have.

The whole situation blew up because my mom went through my laptop without asking. She found some private notes I'd written where I was venting about stuff. In them I said that while I cared about my little sister's wellbeing, I didn't really feel emotionally attached to her the way people expected me to. I also wrote that I never saw my mom's husband as a parent figure and mostly tolerated him because he made my mom happy.

My mom confronted me about it and kept asking me if I really meant what I'd written. I tried explaining that feelings aren't something I can force. I wasn't being cruel to anyone, I just didn't feel the connection she wanted me to have.

Then her husband got involved. Apparently he'd heard part of the conversation and completely lost it. He started saying if I didn't consider him family then I didn't need to live under his roof. My mom tried calming him down but by that point I was done. I called my aunt, packed a bag, and left.

Since then I've been living with my aunt and honestly it's been peaceful. My mom and I still talk and we've even done some family therapy together. The problem is that she keeps saying she wants me to move back so we can finally become a real family. She says she thought after being away for a while I'd realize how much I missed everyone.

And if I am being 100% honest I don't. I miss my mom sometimes, but I don't miss living there. I don't miss feeling pressured to have feelings I don't naturally have, and I definitely don't miss living with someone who told me to leave the second he heard something he didn't like.

At our last therapy session my mom asked if I'd consider moving back and I told her no. She cried and said I wasn't even giving our family a chance anymore.

Now I feel guilty because I know that hurt her, but I also feel like I've finally found some peace and I don't want to give that up. AITH?