u/Ornery_Hedgehog_2253

Hey fellow nurses. I’ve been off of work for almost two years since a traumatic work event. I work as a corrections nurse and although I love the job, it’s becoming more and more apparent that I need to switch specialties. The violence and aggression is a lot to deal with. Patient load is very heavy, the system is disorganized, and responding to multiple codes throughout the day on top of the 60-90 or so patients is a lot. I also worked for a year in a homeless shelter as a nurse and saw a bunch of traumatic things there. It’s difficult being stuck at home and wanting to go back to work, but not being in an emotionally stable enough place to get there. I’m exploring the idea of switching to either oncology or OR nursing. Sometimes I wonder if my brain is just fucked beyond repair and that I’ll never be able to nurse again without breaking down. Has anyone had a similar experience where they developed PTSD and successfully switched specialties? Or even just developed PTSD and eventually recovered?

I’ve been smoking weed basically daily for 8 years. The past 2 years, since going off work due to a traumatic incident, it’s only become more frequent. I have PTSD and have been making great progress in treatment, but I feel like this drug only makes my emotional instability worse. I am so tired of dragging myself out of the lows. If I could be an only weekend user or monthly, that’d be great. It’s hard when you’re not working. It’s hard when you’re traumatized. I’m scared of stopping and having the nightmares come back. I’m afraid of not having my plant friend to lean on when I’m dealing with this rollercoaster of emotions. I guess part of it that stops me is the thought of “well if you stop the weed you’ll probably still be messed up” and that thought breaks my heart. I don’t even know if mental and emotional stability is possible for me. I’ve been mentally ill since I was a child and a plethora of traumatizing incidents throughout my 20’s have only made it worse. I’m receiving very good mental health treatment and feel like if I’m ever going to have a shot at mental stability, this may be it. Ugh. I hide so much of it from everyone. The only person who knows the true extent of it is my partner. :( I know life isn’t over and that there are so many bright days on the other side, I just wish I could actually feel that hope inside of me. I have a strong feeling that quitting will help me. I also know that it’s going to make everything worse before it gets better. 🥲