Why don't they like me as much as I like them?
Hello! I (F22) have been experiencing this problem for my entire time I have been dating (I've had 3 total boyfriends and a couple situationships/hookups). Whenever I enter a relationship, I fall hard and I just want to know everything about them. I ask questions, I plan hangouts, I get them gifts, etc. and I just never get that same level of infatuation back. It is so mentally taxing being the one who seems to care the most in every relationship I've ever had.
I currently am seeing this guy (M21) who was great at first, we went and saw a couple movies together, got dinners, went shopping a couple times, and I even met some of his family. After I started going to his apartment because we got comfortable with each other, I notice these types of activities stopped happening unless I brought them up. I'll text him a question about himself, he'll respond with an answer, I respond to his answer and then he'll just "like" the text without ever asking me anything back. I know you shouldn't ask questions just so that they ask you them back, but isn't the whole part of dating trying to get to know them?? I also notice that if I do not text first, he will not text at all. He already admitted to me that he is more of a quick call guy or likes hanging out in person, so I can slightly understand his dryness, but I expressed to him that because I am so busy with work (7 days a week), I enjoy texting so I would appreciate more responses. He down played what I said and fully just didn't do it.
This is not the only time this has happened. I dated a guy who was chill and not as attentive as I wanted during our relationship and when I moved to college it's like he suddenly noticed my absence. That is when he put in effort and actually asked to take me on dates (I had been asking our whole relaitonship and he just never chose to do them), he never got me flowers but all of a sudden he was buying me lego flowers to build, and he would tell me how much he appreciated me every day. At that point, however, I didn't care anymore. I had spent so long being the driving factor in our relationship that I just lost all motivation and affection towards him. He is still mourning our relationship to this day (3 years later) and I have had multilple different partners since.
I understand in the beginning its just a honey moon phase, but even after my longest relationship (3 years), I still cared for them and wanted to understand them more. These men I have been with never reciprocate these feelings back to me until it was too late. After I would have exhausted myself trying to get them to like me back as much as I like them, I am able to give up and move on. Miraculously, this is when these men seem to snap into gear and try to get me back by texting more, asking questions, getting me gifts/flowers, and asking to hangout.
Why is this? Why is it that guys only seem to realize how amazing I am after I leave? It is so painful to go in mental circles driving myself insane during these relationships only to have them finally get it when I no longer want them back.
Is it possible to actually find a man who likes you back??? Can I get some advice on how to pick the "right guy" aka see through red flags and be more honest with myself about these people and my desires in realtionships. Thank you in advance. (sorry for any bad grammar or spelling)
TL;DR Men always seem to put in the effort after I have exhausted myself in the realtionship and I would appreciate advice on how to find a guy who will value me from the beginning.