How do you deal with invalidation from friends who override your lived experience?
I've been doing a lot of work on myself recently through CPTSD recovery and I've noticed a pattern in two of my closest friendships that I'd love some perspective on.
Both friends tend to override my direct lived experience with their external assessments, particularly in vulnerable moments. I don't believe either of them means harm — they're loyal and show up in meaningful ways — but the impact has been consistently invalidating and I've noticed it triggers my CPTSD response around having my reality questioned.
Some examples:
When I was experiencing joint issues and noticed a correlation with hormones, several doctors agreed with me and my pain was improving on birth control pills. One friend who I had kept updated every step of the way dismissed my theory about my own body and insisted it was something else
When I was navigating an institutional harassment process and expressed frustration about their response to my latest report of being harassed again, a friend said I don't get to be upset about something without doing anything about it — without acknowledging the complexity of what I was navigating. That friend was aware of all the steps I had taken to report prior incidents and how they were met with minimization and dismissal by my institution.
When my pet was recovering from surgery, a friend insisted my pet looked angry at me based on a single photo. My friend didn't update their view when I gave a full description that my pet's behavior is seeking comfort from me and not being grumpy.
In each of these moments I was the one with direct access to the experience — my body, my situation, my pet. And in each case an external assessment was offered with more confidence than my own lived account.
What I'm specifically hoping to learn is:
How do you process moments of invalidation in real time without it triggering a deeper shame or self-doubt spiral?
How have you adjusted what you bring to friendships that can't hold your full experience, without it feeling like loss or self-abandonment?
How do you actively build and seek out friendships that are oriented toward presence and emotional attunement when you're used to settling for less?
Thank you for reading. I know this is long but the context felt important to include.