Early Help refused by mum, what are next steps?
Child's mother is neglecting child, how long will the process take??
My partner has a child (10f), who lives at the opposite end of the country to him. He visits regularly and she visits up with him through school holidays. I would like to point out he has made it clear that he would be happy to be the "full time" parent, but mum refuses.
So a bit of back story. Partner (M42) and his ex wife separated 8 years ago, they live at opposite ends of the country- they moved down there together when they got married and he moved back home when they separated as he couldn't afford to live on his own down south and she didn't want to move back up North. This has meant of course that he cannot be there 24/7 for his daughter which has caused a few issues between my partner and his ex as she wants him to move in with her (the relationship was quite abusive - her to him- and he suffered multiple mental breakdowns through the relationship so this is not an option and not safe for him). Mum has a couple of fairly minor but long term health conditions (though she makes them sound much worse than they are- for example, she cannot get out of bed to take their daughter to school 4/5 days a week, and cannot bathe their child, but she can go to Download festival sleeping in a tent on a hard floor drinking heavily for 5 days).
So I'm missing a lot of history out but I'm going to skip to today. Child has 54% attendance for the year to date. She is off school every single week, multiple times a week. Child has no health conditions. She just doesn't like school because she's told what to do and she'd rather be at home on her phone (typical child of that age really!) so she will cry and say she has a tummy ache so she doesn't have to go and mum lets her. Multiple times over the last 3 months, child has rang dad during the day saying mummy is still asleep and she's not had anything to eat, so she's not gone to school because mum is asleep... Dad has then talked her through making a simple meal so she eats. When dad has had her the last few times her hair has been incredibly matted, her clothes haven't fit her well, and she's been a bit stinky. Now I fully believe a child aged 10 should be able to independently wash themselves when prompted but she's never been taught to do this, so she doesn't have those skills. She cannot brush her hair. She cannot get herself dressed. None of this is due to sensory or special needs, she just hasn't been shown how. He has been working on this when he has her and she's getting better!
So today, school called him and asked if child was with him, he said no. School said she's not been in school for a week with no contact from mum, they had been trying to call with no answer and no call back, they had sent out staff to do a home visit twice this week with no answer to the door. Child did eventually turn up at school at lunch time. School said this has been ongoing for a long time and they're concerned, they have offered mum Early Help which she's refused- she has told dad that "school are useless and they haven't offered any support".
I know the ex nanny is doing a safeguarding referral and school will have done multiple so we expect this to be referred to social services.
He wants the child full time, but he simply cannot afford court, there is no court order but when he has kept the child beyond his "time" due to being concerned, the police have advised him to take her back as an emergency court date would be set and the child would be handed back anyway as mum is the "resident parent" (it's where her school is, where the child benefit goes etc). He feels like his hands are tied without the funds to take her to court, but he does not have that money available, he doesn't have a car, he's living in a box room at his parents house and he's off work due to an injury which he's not paid for so he's on UC with LCWRA and no PIP as they said he gets 0 points to qualify. He pays maintenance (which he shouldn't but he does to save arguments).
My question is what the hell happens next???? Obviously with so many safeguarding reports made and her terrible attendance, we assume social services will be involved?? Early Help was refused so I am also assuming she'll now be offered Child In Need, which we know she can also refuse. Mum works in Young Adult Social Care which is what I find bizarre in all this- she's off work sick right now but only for a few months and she's back soon. So it's not like this is a historic job role.
What's the next steps here!? There is no physical, sexual, psychological abuse going on, there are no concerns there, but neglect is definitely an issue, but not even that would be MASSIVELY an issue as she does have access to food, she is loved (mum is pretty bad but she does love her child and shows her love!), she is clothed, she doesn't live in poverty, mum isn't an alcohol or drug abuser. She just needs to accept the support that is offered- she needs to have someone come in and help with the child and get her to school and get her sorted if she's unable to do this herself. Or she needs to hand her over to dad... But she won't because she needs her daughter for her UC claim so she gets her housing paid 🙈 she has actually said in the past that she'd hand child over to dad if she could keep the benefits and maintenance which obviously wouldn't be happening but that just goes to show that child is not being handed over due to money.
We just don't really know what happens from here, what kind of time frame are we looking at? Would SS see all this and tell her that child needs to live with dad or is this something that would have to be agreed on or child removed via a court order (I don't believe the threshold is met for a removal).
Really just looking for advice. I know I may have sounded harsh about mum, and I'm all for parents rights on both sides, and I know she's struggling but she's just not accepting the help being offered and the child is suffering. Dad is pretty tied in what he can do, he can't keep the child because he'll be told to return her, he can't afford to take mum to court, he won't get legal aid unless SHE takes HIM to court. He also doesn't want child to be traumatised by a massive court case even if he had the money. Him moving there just isn't an option. London prices for rentals for a single person are atronomical, he'd only be able to get a bedsit at best, where he'd not be able to have child overnight, and he'd likely still be paying extra towards rent from his very limited income. He gets around £750 a month, most of which now goes on travel for his daughter which he'd not have if he lived down there, but still not enough for someone to live on in London and provide for a child 50% of the time. Not the mention all of his support is up north, all of child's family other than mum are up north, he has ill mental health, so being isolated is a massive trigger for him and that wouldn't be any good for him OR child.
Any advice or just words of wisdom??