For those of you who chose to have a child on your own, how do you cope with the grief of the “traditional” family?
Not because I doubt my ability to raise a child alone. Iif anything, I believe it’s better to be alone than poorly accompanied. But there has always been a part of me that dreamed of building a family with a partner, having several children close in age, growing up alongside their cousins. That’s no longer possible, as the cousins are already grown. And I find myself wondering what “siblings” even means when having one child already feels like an uphill battle.
I want to be completely honest with myself. While I do believe I could be a good mother, there is still a pang in my heart at the idea of intentionally choosing to have a child without a father figure. It’s a decision that will inevitably have to be explained later on.
I keep thinking about the younger version of myself, the girl who believed she had all the time in the world to meet the right person, who had so much faith in the future. There was no reason, I thought, for it not to happen.
Even into my thirties, I projected so little into the future. I told myself that if it was meant to happen, it would. And now here I am, 41, and the family I imagined doesn’t exist.
Yes, motherhood can still be something very positive, even if my child will only have me as a mother. But tonight, I am sitting with the grief I need to process, and I can’t help but feel that I only have myself to hold accountable for not having asked myself these questions sooner.
For those who are in a similar situation, how did you find peace with it all?