u/Outrageous_Ad_1507

"The cult of non-monogamy is built on a promise that the chaos of the human heart can be rationalised away: that jealousy can be transformed into happiness for your partner, that the right combination of words can bring everyone’s desires into alignment. It is, in its most doctrinaire forms, no less of a Santa Claus belief system than traditional marriage, and at least as amenable to exploitation by the sexually unscrupulous."

-Sarah Ditum

https://web.archive.org/web/20251104141013/https://unherd.com/2025/10/lily-allens-non-monogamy-nightmare/?edition=us

Anxiously awaiting the accusations of 'heteronormativity'. 😡

A scary time for women's rights. Give em hell.

Person in the video and commenter are the same person, btw.

The title is simultaneously the answer to their question and the descriptor of this redditor. Instead of replying to their message out of being triggered, I wanted to reflect on what people like this cause me to feel. Pity. The drive to be so unlike them. Which, in my belief, is a strength, and motivation to interact with those who’ve experienced trauma. Taking on the topics of abuse, trafficking, and coercion with the seriousness they deserve means rising above these petty attempts at shaming to a place of vulnerability I never fully anticipated. Just the other day, someone posted in this sub about being banned from r/polyamory as they sought community support for their duress, and I felt like I was witnessing their deconstruction in real time. Being shunned by their own cult for being a victim of the cult. Bad PR, I guess. I wanted to be gentle, but also stern about truths, if that makes sense? This is in pursuit of creating psychological safety that victims so often become distant from in nonmonogamous dynamics. Which could arguably be the theme of this sub. Kindness without honesty is just manipulation, and I think there’s definitely a way to be gentle/considerate to those who are beginning to understand the webs of exploitation they’ve been manipulated into. In the case of the post I’m referencing, the financial and labor type of exploitation that accompanies sexual exploitation in nonmonogamy that makes it qualify as a cult (in my opinion).

Seriously, I applaud those here and in similar subs who offer their free time to interact/support victims. When I recieve DM’s and comments like the one pictured, I’m choosing to view it as a valuable lesson in who I don’t want to be. It's not setting the bar very high to say we're better than this.

People who have been in cults are far more likely to fall for another cult, which is why it's important to focus on behavior rather than just the words people use to describe the behavior.

Poly/open relationship people will accuse LGBT's of being homophobic, even trans people of being transphobic. All for not consenting to nonmonogamy. Don't fall for their games. Being allies to trans people and women means analyzing the effects of nonmonogamy on the most vulnerable people in society. You are not alone ❤️

Trauma tells us to isolate in order to protect our vulnerable places, but healing actually requires connection to others. Which is why I'm so thankful for this group ❤️ Thank you for writing your post, u/TragicRaven. I know it speaks to others like it spoke to me.

People of color *and* LGBT people deserve security in their most intimate relationships.

As someone who cares a lot about anti-black racism, I call foul. This is simply a method of silencing those who speak out about hookup culture and nonmonogamy.

While this video is focused on gay men, I completely empathize with even more at risk minorities than white guys--such as transgender people and women of color 💔