u/OutsideHospital2907

▲ 2 r/KeepWriting+1 crossposts

Practicing writing engaging openings. Would you keep reading this? I’m still a kid and learning don’t bully me if it’s bad 💔

Questions I have

Did this hook you?

Did you get any questions?

Did anything feel forced or placed there randomly?

“Whatever happens tonight, don’t believe anything Noah tells you.”

I smile sarcastically.

“What’d he do now? Teleport from work and ruin your birthday party? I think you’ve had too much to eat.”

I let out an awkward laugh. A weak attempt to lighten the panicked look on her face.

She doesn’t laugh. My grin falters.

What is she talking about? Noah? As in my older brother Noah? Is this a joke? I furrow my brows in confusion. But before I can ask, one of her other friends interrupts us with a warm smile and a gift in her hand, pulling her away and not even paying mind to the obvious tension between me and her.

I click my tongue, rolling my eyes in frustration. The hell does this girl want from her now, of all times? I grab her shoulder, aggressively spinning her around to look at me.

“Hey! I was talking to her.”

She looks at me with a bewildered look on her face as I grab my best friend by the hand, pulling her away to a quieter place.

“What’s going on? What did Noah do?”

Hesitation flashes in her eyes. I stand there for a few uncomfortable seconds. She stays silent. Is it that hard to just say it? Finally, she mutters something out.

“I found out something about him. Something he didn’t want us to know.”

She turns around and walks away, leaving me to sit in my own thoughts. What did Noah do? Did he hurt her? Is there something he’s been doing behind my back?

I snap back into reality and call after her.

“Seriously? Come back, I’m worried about you!” But she continues walking. I sigh, plopping into a nearby chair and spacing out.

After a couple minutes of mindless thinking, I continue watching her from a distance. Several minutes pass, and she still has that worried look on her face. She constantly checks the gate, as if she’s waiting for someone to come. Seriously, what could be bothering her so badly? She’s at a party with people drowning her in gifts and kind regards, and she’s worried about Noah. The thought makes me huff out a laugh. As I’m drinking some juice, trying to examine the emotions displayed on her face, someone taps my shoulder. I turn around, somehow expecting it to be my best friend.

“Noah?!”

He slaps a frantic hand onto my mouth.

“Shhh.”

His face is even more panicked than my best friend’s, sweat pooling on his forehead. All of this is really starting to irritate me.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work? What are you doing here?” I groan.

“We need to leave. Right now. And don’t tell her we’re going.”

reddit.com
u/OutsideHospital2907 — 17 hours ago
▲ 4 r/AspiringTeenAuthors+2 crossposts

I’ve been in a writing/reading slump for a year now, and I recently wrote this. Thoughts? Does this make you feel tense/panicked? Does the end make you want to read more? Does the part with no punctuation feel messy or enhance the panic? Please be kind with ur advice, I’m still a kid and learning! 🥹

He’s asleep. Now is the time. I tie my laces, my hands trembling with every knot. If he catches me, he’ll make me regret this. As quietly as I can, I creep through the hallway, making sure not to make a single sound. I ease the door leading to the living room open, where he sleeps on the couch peacefully. My heart beats like it's about to break through my ribs and tears well in my eyes as i slowly walk to the exit, twisting the key and gripping the door handle. THUD! My breath catches in my throat as I whip around to see him running towards me with a murderous look in his eyes. I swing the door open and run, nausea immediately filling my chest. I run with all the energy my body can muster up, my feet barely touching the ground. He’s close, I know it. But I don’t hesitate. I run no matter how hard the breeze slaps my face, no matter how much my legs burn. I run past the trees, I run past the fallen logs, I duck, I jump, I do whatever it takes to escape him. My tears now stream down my face uncontrollably and every breath I take makes my throat burn more than the last. But that doesn’t stop me. I can't stop even if I wanted to. My heart drops. A wall. A wall made of rocks and dirt. A wall thats too high to climb. Looking to each side, I see if there’s a way around. Nothing. I turn around and see him around 50 meters away, inching closer every second. Now I can't even breathe. And as I’m standing there, helpless and frozen, something’s building up inside of me something I’ve never felt before and he’s now 20 meters away and the feeling inside of me grows larger and my tears flow faster and I can't focus oh my god he’s 10 meters away I can't breathe and I still can't move now he’s 5 away I’m trying to move but I can't God please MOVE he’s reaching out to grab me and—
 
Agony. My back arches violently as pain tears through me. It feels like it’s ripping in half and I can feel the skin stretching around something forcing its way out of my body. Im so dead he’s going to kill me I’m dead I’m dea-
 
Im not dead. In fact, I’m in the… air? 
 
END OF CHAPTER  

reddit.com
u/OutsideHospital2907 — 1 day ago