Feeling unworthy of the type of man I want
I’m 20F who grew up in the church, was YW youth president for like 5 years, had all the stake callings, everyone knew and loved me. I was the perfect church girl and still like to think of myself that way. Then I got pregnant when I was 19 and had my beautiful baby who I love more than anything with my boyfriend of 2.5 years who I’m breaking up with as of 48 hours ago.
When I found out I was pregnant I pushed marriage and he changed his mind. He tried to get my to have an abortion and of course I said no as it was never an option for me. I always wanted more than anything to be a mom and have a nice church family. Long story short we didn’t get married, he doesn’t want to go to church, he doesn’t want more kids, and we just don’t want the same things in life. I know I can do better so we are breaking up which is extremely hard for me.
I go to church every week and follow all the guidelines besides law of chastity and be unmarried obviously. No one has ever been rude or judgy to me but I’m just embarrassed. I love my baby more than anything and so does everyone else. I don’t like being with a guy who doesn’t go to church with me and everyone knowing I’m not married.
Since we’re breaking up, the new guy I get with I want to be a good church guy who I can raise a family with and will love my baby as his own. Her bio dad won’t be involved in her life.
I want a returned missionary who is active and faithful in the church. I want to raise a happy family and have a strong relationship. Everything I wanted in high school.
The problem is that I don’t feel worthy of that. I don’t want to ruin someone else’s life with me and my baby who’s not their baby. I feel like a good guy won’t want me because of the mistakes I’ve made.
I’ve struggled with this for a while and it makes me sad. Advice?