Is it sinful for me to refuse a fifth reconciliation attempt after repeated infidelity?
My ex-husband (37M) and I (33F) divorced almost a year ago after 12 years of marriage and 2 children together (7 and 4).
There were multiple affairs throughout our marriage, including one during my first pregnancy, though he still denies that one. The final affair lasted nearly 2 years and also involved emotional, physical, financial, and verbal abuse, alcoholism, abandonment of our children, hidden unemployment, and several physically aggressive incidents. Multiple counselors, my church, and even the court system identified his behavior as abusive. We went to three different marriage counselors and all three asked for individual sessions where they gave me resources on abuse and told me they could not continue to see us together or for reconciliation. We attempted reconciliation several times before and after divorce, but each time he continued the affair while pretending to reconcile and many abusive behaviors.
During this entire season, my faith became stronger than ever. I truly felt God guiding me to leave through answered prayers, undeniable revelations, and wise counsel from trusted believers and professionals.
Now he wants reconciliation again. He says he’s changed, attends counseling twice weekly, reads his Bible daily, and I do see some improvements in coparenting interactions. But I still see flashes of anger, and while he takes accountability for the affairs, he minimizes the abuse and claims the later betrayals “weren’t affairs” because we were separated — despite actively pursuing reconciliation with me at the time.
I’m struggling spiritually. I know God can redeem anyone and restore marriages. I know divorce is permitted for sexual immorality, but I also know reconciliation can happen through true repentance. I can’t tell if my hesitation is wisdom and protection for myself and my children, or if it is from a place of unfaithfulness and desire for control over surrender. Am I guilty of abandonment if I don’t attempt reconciliation? Is it sinful to refuse reconciliation if there is true repentance from the unfaithful spouse?