u/Over_Fun_7835

Anybody else feeling guilty after losing a baby to pprom? The pain is still fresh but I can’t help but think I caused this to happen to my son. I was taking peptides up into the 5th week of my pregnancy. I had no idea I was pregnant but I stopped immediately after finding out. I wasn’t taking my vitamins daily, I would pick up my toddler, sleep on my stomach, and I didn’t take my antibiotics for a urine infection that I had. To help me cope and keep my sanity from this guilt, I think of all the women that get pregnant and live on the streets and how they don’t have the resources, but their babies make it. I even searched women who got pregnant while on peptides and they say their babies came out perfectly fine. Part of me wants to justify what happened, but I still feel like I’m at fault. Every person that I’ve come across on here sounds like they took care of everything and still lost their babies, but in my case, I didn’t take care of the infection and I lost my baby. Please can someone be honest and just tell me I caused it. Everyday is a battle for me. I want someone to tell me the truth even if it hurts my soul. I need to be reminded that I’m not a good mom.

Can’t help but think I brought my baby into this world to suffer. My baby boy passed a couple hours after being born at 24 weeks. My water ruptured at 17 weeks. Thinking about how my baby passed from a collapsed lung has me feeling so devastated. I feel like I failed him. I hate myself dearly, and now reading into what my baby went through in his last hours doesn’t help me feel any better. It’s been almost 2 weeks since he passed, and yesterday was his funeral. I feel like all this happened because of me. I can’t help but feel this suffocating feeling, when I think of his last weeks in my womb and what he might’ve felt in his last hours in the nicu. I know I’ll never get an answer, but I would hope that god can give me some kind of peace not that I deserve it.

How do I overcome this guilt. I feel like my son died because of me. Did I cause myself to pprom? I let an infection go untreated, all because I didn’t want to wait for the doctors office to pick up and ask about my prescription that they never sent to the pharmacy. My baby came into this world at 24 weeks and fought for 6 weeks to live since my water ruptured, all to pass within a couple of hours. Everyone tries to justify what happen by saying god knows what he does, but I as a mom should’ve done better. I feel like I played with my baby’s life. Now I’m living the consequences. There is a part of me inside that feels dead. Nothing can ever justify what I did to my baby.

I just lost my baby at 24 weeks due to PPROM. My water broke at 17w4d. I had zero measurable fluids the rest of the pregnancy, but my boy’s heart beat kept going strong. I can’t help but blame myself for what happened. I didn’t take my vitamins daily, I was lifting things, drinking caffeine, not getting my meds for the urine infection I had. I keep trying to find excuses not to hate myself. I keep thinking well there are women on the streets who get pregnant and don’t take care of themselves, or you had this infection during your first pregnancy and it went away on its own. Nothing seems to help. My final weeks with my boy weren’t happy. I kept getting told the worst news every appointment. I was scared that my son was going to come out sick or deformed because of me. I felt like if he has a chance and came out like that, it would be at the hands of me. My boy lived for a couple of hours and was born perfectly formed despite everything the doctors told me. Had I known this I would’ve stressed less the last couple of weeks, I would’ve talked to him more, made him feel loved. I hate that I made my boy feel unloved. I truly hate myself for that. I’m not mad at God I’m more confused as to why this happened to me and why he needed to take my boy from me. Is it because he saw that I didn’t love him enough? I hope one day I find peace with myself and that my baby boy can forgive me.