u/Own-Fuel-3440

I have used Chatgpt to frame my post So please excuse it

19M, currently in college.

I need some honest relationship advice because I genuinely don’t know whether I’m overthinking everything or if my past experience has messed up the way I approach people I like.

There’s this senior girl in my college that I have a crush on. The thing is, I can actually talk to her normally. It’s not like I completely lose my ability to function around her. But every time I think about getting closer to her, showing interest, or even trying to take things forward slowly, something in my mind immediately pulls me back.

The reason is because of something that happened to me in high school that affected me more deeply than I realized at the time.

Back in school, I had a huge crush on my childhood friend. We knew each other since very early childhood and were close until around 3rd grade, but eventually we got separated into different sections and naturally drifted apart like most kids do.

Then in 9th grade, we somehow reconnected and started talking again. Since I already liked her a lot, I got emotionally attached pretty quickly. At some point, people around us figured out that I liked her, and eventually she found out too.

After that, she started giving me a lot of attention. She would talk to me more, act interested sometimes, and generally behave in ways that made me genuinely believe she might actually like me back. Looking back now, I realize it was probably just breadcrumbing. At the time though, I was a teenager who was completely emotionally invested, so I interpreted every little thing as a sign that maybe I had a chance.

I started doing all the typical dumb teenage things to impress her because I thought my feelings were being reciprocated. I put her on a pedestal without realizing it.

Eventually, I started noticing inconsistencies and got confused, so I confronted her about it. It happened on my birthday at a café, which honestly made the whole thing even worse in my memory.

That’s when she told me very directly that she never liked me and only enjoyed the attention I gave her. But what really stayed with me was the way she said it. She literally said:
“You have got to be so dumb to think that a girl like me would like you.”

I know I made mistakes. I know I was immature and overly attached. But hearing that at that age genuinely shattered my confidence for a long time.

Ever since then, I’ve never been able to approach crushes normally.

Now whenever I start liking someone, especially someone I consider attractive or “out of my league,” my brain immediately starts attacking me with thoughts like:

• “Why would she ever like someone like me?”
• “Am I even worthy of her?”
• “I don’t have money.”
• “I barely get pocket money for myself.”
• “What exactly do I even offer?”
• “There’s nothing special about me.”
• “What if I’m just being delusional again?”