u/Own-Piccolo9675

I’ve seen a surge of feminists rejecting hetero sex and hormonal contraceptives as a means of protest. The argument is that participating in raunch culture as a woman (supporting/creating porn, casual hookups, etc.) is regressive, promotes commodification, and is a gateway towards physical/emotional abuse. Also that women having to front the burden of birth control while men remain oblivious is unfair.

I know radfems have nuanced takes about practicing sexuality, but I’d love your perspective on abstinence or rejecting/coming off of hormonal birth controls. Especially if you have chosen to abstain from sex or hormonal contraceptives!!! How has this experience been for you?

As a younger radfem, I’m exploring the implications of how I practice my sexuality and bc. To clarify, I don’t think sexuality should be demonized- I feel it should be respected, and women are not being sexually respected at the rate our society is participating in it (via hookups/porn/assault/raunch culture), ultimately making sex degrading and thereby holding us back from being seen as equal. Essentially that raunch culture has had a backwards effect on our liberation. I also hate the physical toll of birth control and it feels politically unfair.

Can anyone offer perspectives or recommend literature that specifically critiques hormonal contraceptives (through a sociopolitical lens) and/or the sexual revolution? I want to learn as many perspectives as I can! Thank you!

(I am currently reading Intercourse by Andrea Dworkin & Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy, something along those themes would be perfect.)

Heterosexual radfems, how have you made space to trust a man romantically in your life with this ideology? Is it a lifetime of conversations, boundary discussions, books? Do you have any specific recommendations for educating a man on radfem and believing he could adopt it?

Here is my context:
I (F) discovered radfem while already in love with someone. It's been an incredibly rough year for us since l've joined and become increasingly educated. I've become angry, skeptical of romance and marriage, and you could say harbored a lot of unhealthy resentment for him for some of his earlier default libfem actions and values.

However, this is a patient, open-minded man with a commitment to betterment I think is incredibly rare. We've had long-winded talks, some arguments about his actions (he takes accountability), some academic discussions. He’s written me detailed letters and questions. He is even enrolling in a gender studies course next semester to better understand his position. I believe he could really be learning.

I know resentment is terrible but it’s not necessarily personal. The issue is I recognize he will never be capable of fully empathizing to radfem because he is a man and will simply never have certain experiences. Similarly, I cannot easily undo decades of social conditioning, and the burden of trying thus far has taken a toll on my mental health. It’s slowly getting better but I’m still lenient to fully trust it. He is genuine and hasn’t intentionally betrayed me, but still I don’t want to commit or marry and twenty years down the line see him subconsciously endorsing libfem constructs or generally not recognizing the unintended consequences of his actions. I want him to be the exception but it’s so hard to trust it when society is the competition.

How do I build trust that a man could really adopt these values? How do I let his effort be enough to get over the resentment? I know the odds are against me but I want to believe it is possible…