u/POOGSIES

Yesterday I hung out with my cousin. I have been really depressed, not wanting to do anything but rot. Going out really helped. He had been through a lot of stuff similar to me. So I felt like I could tell him whatever. The only other person I told (other than my therapist) was my best friend. When I told her, she seemed supportive. Now I honestly think she's avoiding me. (Did I make her uncomfortable?) She says she’s busy, so she can’t hang out anytime soon. Although I see her post on her Instagram story with her other friends all the time. Does she not believe me? (She always trauma dumps on me. I'm always there for her.) Idk. Lately, small things have been feeling 100 times worse. Everything makes me extremely angry.

Anyway, talking to my cousin was so cathartic because I could literally say whatever I wanted to, and he could relate and add more to the conversation. I didn't feel alone. Obviously, I'm not 100% fine now, like I still have trauma. I just feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. Now I know I have my person I can go to. If that makes things 10% better, I’ll take it. 

Sorry if this was all over the place!!

Hi. I just wanted to thank everyone here. I feel like I'm carrying a heavy burden that I cannot tell anyone. It weighs on me. Here I can vent. Talk about anything that happened without being judged. Even though I don't interact with many of you here, just having a safe space I can go to where people understand what it's like makes it a little better. When I read y'all's stories, my heart breaks just like it did for my past self. I haven't been on this sub for long, but I'm grateful I found it. So again, thank you. You got this. Sending virtual hugs to you all.

I hate you so fucking much. You have no idea the pain you've caused me, not that you care. I can't even talk about you without wanting to puke or bawl my eyes out. Today has been especially bad. I don't know why. I feel like I have no support system. I feel extra bad today. Maybe because it's been exactly a month since you tossed me aside like fucking trash. I feel alone, yet I don't wanna talk to anyone or do anything. You always acted like a wounded animal, never caring about my feelings, never taking accountability. Apologizing then continuing the behavior. I was always there for you, trying to fix everything. I feel so dumb for allowing all of this to happen. I'm embarrassed to even talk about it. I can't talk about it. I would've done anything for you, even when it made me uncomfortable. I've done things I'm not proud of. I feel violated. You've ruined me. fuck you, Peyton.