First and maybe last time posting my work in this sub (pls rate and be as brutally honest as you can)
Sorry if the title sounds a bit melancholic but I am very shy and scared to post things in Reddit, I wrote this poem while free, this is the first unedited draft....plz honestly rate this and explain how to improve
Title (Not thought of anything yet)
The misty night grew long.
A flame was hardly burning.
Dimly lit, she was mourning
As two beasts fought along.
She mourned because the two she
Loved were fighting for her heart.
The flame called for a duel to pull them apart.
Whoever shall come the closest to me
Shall earn my hand, she found
That the two fighters were a moth and water.
The droplet went first and pierced through the sun's daughter.
At last, alive and safely, he embraced the ground.
The moth unnerved, had for a long time
Watched the great flame and
Plunged himself in his grand
sacrifice - "Even in death, I'll make her mine."
At the very border, he was reduced
To mere ashes, only for a moment did he
Embrace his periled lover, she
Cried as he had died for his muse.
The water called to her, asking
For his prize. She looked at him,
Her eyes, watery, and her light dim,
and turned away her head, masking
Her pain as the one who loved her truly, was dead.