Should I continue trying or walk away?
I (33F) matched with a 36M on Hinge in July, but he didn’t reply until I messaged him again in late August, at which point he immediately asked if we could move the conversation to Telegram. He is a high achiever who works as a director at a tech MNC, runs his own PE business, and has his own apartment (which somehow makes me feel small). The first few days of texting were pretty normal, but after I had a health scare and wanted to pause the conversation, he came to accompany me to the specialist, which was also the first time we met. I guess there was a strong chemistry at first sight, as we started holding hands, hugging, and kissing.
Over the past month, it has felt really intense, as he kept telling me that he loves me and misses me a lot. However, his actions have not reflected his words. His replies are sporadic, and I always have to initiate conversation, although I do receive his replies and telebubbles every day. It is really difficult to ask him out after work, as he either has to work overtime or work out until late, works on his business on Saturdays, and goes missing on Sundays. There have been times when it sounded like our meeting was confirmed, but either he did not confirm and I got bailed out, or he was very late. He has been telling me that work has been very bad for him and that he is overloaded and tired. He did try to let me know the seriousness of his situation by sharing disappearing photos of the deck he was reviewing or the Teams meeting he was in. But, he’s just not meeting my emotional needs.
I have borderline personality traits (I use the term "traits" instead of "disorder" because I am not officially diagnosed), so it is really tough on my mental health. I am swinging between idealisation and devaluation, pushing him away and pulling him back. He acknowledged to me that I did a lot, but he does not know how to accept me into his life, so he becomes cold. He told me that he appreciates me and that I am his. He always thinks about me and my happiness.
It is so difficult right now; I do not know if I should continue staying or let go. He told me we will meet on Sunday, but I have lost my trust in him. I am going to meet my therapist tomorrow to work on this, but what should I do?