u/Paradichlorobenzen

i feel like ive tried all the standard depression books and they just havent been doing much for me anymore. recently finished the midnight library and i just felt so damn empty afterwards and upset i didn’t have the same magical epiphany on life that everyone else seems to get after reading it.

for context i’ve got severe insomnia and ive been having a really bad episode. cant sleep for days on end and it really messes with my mental faculties. when you’re up for that long and all you can do is think it just fucks you up mentally tbh.

i’m looking for an easy read that might help out with things a bit. even a boring one that’ll put me to bed lol — i don’t wanna be excited by cliffhangers or else because that’ll keep me up. i love me some nonfiction, if that helps. memoirs are my FAVORITE (please no more matt haig guys ive tried).

i know people like to jump straight towards super optimistic books but remarkably bright creatures didnt really do it for me either.

honestly id love a book that has an insomniac as the protag but i feel like insomnia is never really portrayed in its true clinical sense much. if you’ve got one that’s medically accurate i’d eat it up, if its just a quirky character trait pls dont even bother itll just make me sad.

sorry this is a super scattered post lol if you can tell i havent slept much. i just want something thatll help. interesting enough to keep me invested, not too crazy that itll keep me up, not overly optimistic, not overly pessimistic. and i also want an iced chai latte with that please!

i just want to rest i genuinely dont understand what i did to deserve this. its 7am and i still havent slept i have a call with a client later i have to finish so much shit and i feel like im completely fucking lobotomized . i go to such a competitive uni and i just cant even get up because im stuck in an awful constant daze . its terrible. i know everyone around me looks down on me and i dont blame them, im miserable to be around because im always so tired and my brain cant even catch up with what’s happening around me half the time. words come out of my mouth and i dont even know what im saying.

and the stupid hallucinations god theyre so fucking awful its just the same phone ringing noise over and over and over again enough that it starts driving you insane because you check your phone and nobody’s calling and then its back and you check again and again and again .

how are you even supposed to live like this??? i dont feel like im alive. i keep trying to figure out some sort of answer to this but there’s nothing. im trying meds im trying therapy im TRYING but nothing is working i cant take being awake at longer i just want my brain to shut down im genuinely just begging it to shut down