u/Particular-Act-4082

So, my previously 100% trusted partner of many years had a six month affair with a therapist (not his). She knew he wasn’t polyamorous, but decided she didn’t care. I find myself hating people, in general. Nobody can match my exceptionally loyal energy. I’m not perfect, but that is one thing I have going for me. Anyway, struggling. If reconciliation doesn’t work, I’m never dating again. Nor do I feel like adding new people to my life.

My partner of over 20 plus years was exhibiting red flags. It was a shock to me because I had previously trusted him completely, and gave him absolute freedom. This is not to say I’m perfect. I have pretty significant anxiety that I’ve been working on for a long time, but I acknowledge I can be a pain in the arse. Anyway, I finally pulled out of him his affair, after a few months of inquiring about the amount of time spent with his “friend.” He polybombed me. No, I didn’t know he presented this way. It was his excuse for cheating, of course. I asked him if he loved her and he said yes. I was understandably devastated. I found out this was a half year affair, started directly after I had taken him on vacation for a significant birthday. Also ugly was that she is a therapist. I believe she knew he didn’t have permission, and this may have been a turn on for her. She is highly unethical, as he’s been telling me more information about her. She really shouldn’t be a therapist and I’m terrified for her patients.

I told him to leave. I was a disaster for a few months . He was previously known as an incredible man. Everyone was shocked. I am finding evidence that she manipulated and love bombed him. He’s still responsible for his ugliness, though. He’s found he doesn’t love her, and has been relieved since going no contact with her. We’re attempting to reconcile because this is his first screw up like this.

What can you tell me about healing from such brutality from a previously trusted person? Any success stories? I’m mostly having issues with the “I love you” component and the duration of this evilness.

After being polybombed ( brutally cheated on) by a previously monogamous LTR, I’m considering hoping the ranks of the ever-growing population of single women. Who else is sick of the abuse?