Failed to secure any college even as dropper, what can i do now?
[Undiagnosed ADHD, 18M]
Messed up jee (and many other) exams last year thinking i would do better this time, except i scored worse than before because i didn't study at all. I lived inside my mind more than doing something productive in the real world.
I scored too low to get into top colleges but literally missed application windows of some decent colleges just because i was emotionally too unstable and scared to even open the portal.
I'm drowning in shame and guilt, questioning my existence and capabilities. Having failed so many times i don't have any courage left to face my family or even society.
Typical desi family at home, won't understand my mental struggles and would label me stupid (could be partially true because of what i did). They are disappointed and lost faith from me which is quite fair, i can't blame them for that.
Got interested in something new, tried for a while, got burnt out, moved to learn something new- this is the cycle that i went through. That is why I'm also unable to decide whether to pursue engineering, commerce, law or which degree would suit the best for my life ahead.
Preparing for such exams killed my true self long ago, i remember loving to draw, design or do other kinds of creative stuff but left them to 'build a real career' which i couldn't as for now.
Having said all this, I'm looking for your advice about what should i possibly do in the coming future?