u/Party_Sea7066

i apologize as this is long. i also used AI to help me put everything in order while hopefully keeping my tone/personality.

back in october last year i got sick with multiple things in around a week. at first it was a respiratory virus (no meds, evaluated and sent home). after that i went back to the ER and got diagnosed with gastritis (got meds for that and was sent home). while taking those meds, i noticed i was getting constipated. shortly after, it switched to diarrhea.

one night i was having pains and got into a habit of sitting in warm baths to relax. that’s when i noticed pinworms floating around in the water. i got medication for them and never got reinfected after my 2nd dose. (albendazole. you take the first dose, then a second dose 2 weeks later. if you reinfect yourself during those 2 weeks, you have to restart the process.) i got cleared from that, but shortly after was diagnosed with PI-IBS-D from them.

i feel like i might have mixed bowel, but that isn’t really my main question here.

i’m 19, graduated high school last year, work a part-time job (40+ hour weeks, just seasonal), help my dad with his business, am starting my own business, and have also been doing technical analysis on crypto for the past 8 months. throughout the whole time i was sick, my mom seemed to only care about when i was going back to work.

i would explain to her that i couldn’t eat certain foods, and she would tell me she needed proof from a doctor or needed to hear it from them herself. at the same time, she would completely ignore my diet restrictions. she’s basically the head of the household too (pays the bills and is the top salesman at her job).

over time it beat me up mentally and physically. whenever i tried talking to her about how worried i was, she would just poke at me for barely eating. we had multiple arguments about it, and i honestly couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t believe me. i’m her son.

there was one argument in particular that really stuck with me. i don’t remember the exact date. she told me to make my plate, so i opened the pot and saw onions in the soup. i immediately told her i couldn’t eat it or even drink the broth because of the onions and closed the lid. she got mad. this was already a month or two after i had been diagnosed. she would still put onions and garlic powder into food without caring.

during that same argument, i was honestly fed up. she told me to get out of her house because i was lazy and never went to work. meanwhile, i felt horrible every day. my mornings were awful. i’d be in the bathroom from the time i woke up and got ready until it was time to leave for work. even while explaining all of that and telling her what i could and couldn’t eat, she would still make me eat things that bothered me.

my stepdad is my boss, and he always seemed pretty understanding about it. he would usually let my mom deal with me, but overall she just didn’t seem willing to be reasonable about what i was going through.

at one point, deep into the argument, i told her that if i were a minor, it would feel pretty close to child neglect. she told me she didn’t care.

after that, i packed my stuff, went to my dad’s house, and stayed there for a while. the very next morning she was texting me, apologizing, and trying to call me. by then i was already exhausted from everything and just ignored her.

eventually we fixed things and moved past it, but her way of mixing responsibility with me not feeling well still doesn’t seem to mix very well.

for reference, i had a minor laceration on my palm around 2-3 weeks ago. it wasn’t horrible, but i definitely couldn’t use my hand normally. my part-time job is hands-on work: garbage, weed whacking, lining bags, etc. i need my hands. her main concern was when i could go back to work.

now i’ve had a sinus cold since last monday. normally i wouldn’t care much about it, but my stepdad is a germaphobe. the other day she asked me when i was going back to work. i was already slightly annoyed because it seems like every time i’m sick or injured, that’s the first question. i told her whenever he decides he wants to let me back in. since then she really hasn’t said much to me, while he’s just been naturally checking in to see how i feel and how i sound.

overall, i know i’m 19. i know i’m technically an adult. but sometimes i wonder if i should just leave that job. not cut everyone off or anything, but maybe spend more time around my dad and focus more on what i’m trying to build for myself.

i find myself getting upset sometimes, and i’m not sure if it’s because of everything i’m trying to do with my life, for myself, and for my dad, or if it’s because of the constant pressure from my mom. i expect some pressure. i understand wanting your kid to be responsible. what bothers me is how relentless it feels at times.

i want to grow just as much as she seems to want me to. i want to work. i want to build something for myself. but i also feel like she doesn’t prioritize health the same way i do. it feels like responsibility always comes first, even when someone is genuinely sick or injured.

this might be tmi, and maybe it sounds like i have some resentment toward my mom, but there’s one more thing that’s always stuck with me.

when my parents were together, my dad got severely injured. he fell one or two stories and landed on his neck/head on concrete. he even received compensation for it. since then he’s dealt with long-term issues because of that injury.

my mom claims that back then he was lazy, didn’t do anything, and didn’t provide for me. i never really believed it. my entire life i’ve seen my dad work. i’ve seen him go to work after throwing up in the morning. i’ve seen him push through things that probably should’ve kept him home.

because of that, i can’t help but notice similarities between how she talks about him and how she talks about me whenever i’m not feeling well. my dad notices it too, and he’s pointed it out before.

so i guess my question is: am i looking at this the wrong way, or is it reasonable for me to feel bothered by the fact that whenever i’m sick or injured, the focus seems to immediately go back to work instead of how i’m actually doing?

it’s also hard because my dad just tells me that i know how my mom is and that i should focus on myself and get away from the situation. but i always come back to the fact that she’s my mom.

i think that’s honestly the part that hurts the most.

it’s not that i expect her to solve all of my problems. i just wish that when i’m struggling, sick, or injured, her first thought was sometimes “how are you doing?” instead of “when are you going back to work?”