I genuinely don’t feel the need for relationships or intimacy
I don’t know if this sounds contradictory because I’m not actually asexual or aromantic, but at the same time and I genuinely mean this- I don’t understand what the hell “needing” sex feels like. I understand wanting it, I understand feeling sexually attracted to someone. But I genuinely don’t understand the feeling of needing it and honestly, that gives me a lot of peace.
I don’t know if that could change someday? I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a relationship, even though people have liked me and I’ve had crushes before. But imagining myself in a relationship makes me feel kind of uncomfortable, and I’ve felt this way since I was a child. Nowadays, I think it’s because relationships give me this weird feeling of losing my individuality/identity lol. Also because I’ve simply always found the whole thing embarrassing. Like, I don’t know if this sounds childish or ridiculous, but I find sex extremely embarrassing. I cannot imagine being relaxed while naked and exposing my genitals to another person. I’d rather die. I also feel embarrassed watching the kind of affection couples give each other. I hope I don’t sound bitter because I’m actually a very affectionate person and I deeply love my close friends and family, but I just can’t imagine talking to someone in the overly sweet/corny way couples do 😭
Reading about other people actively choosing celibacy and being genuinely happy that way made me really happy, because even though I never liked the idea of being in a relationship or having sex for various reasons, I assumed it would eventually happen because society acts like it HAS to happen or else something is wrong with you. But that’s not true at all.
Also, reading and observing other people’s experiences in relationships/marriages honestly makes me wonder why happily single people aren’t even more common. I’ve heard so many horrible stories about failed relationships and betrayal that I genuinely don’t see the appeal of that kind of bond. I know that sounds negative or hopeless, but I honestly don’t feel that way. I’m actually relieved that I don’t have to deal with that kind of stress.
About sex specifically, I’ve read sooo many people say (especially men :p) that not being horny often is a sign of depression, or that wanting fuck all the time means you’re healthy, and that it’s abnormal not to need sex. But honestly, I don’t understand how it gives someone more peace or happiness to feel a need to interact with other people’s bodily fluids or else their mental health deteriorates lol.
I want to clarify that I’m not saying this to insult people with high libidos or anything, but I do get annoyed by the weird habit some people have of projecting their own needs onto others. No dude, not all of us are going to collapse without someone else’s body on top of us 😭
Sorry if this is messy or badly written haha, English isn’t my first language and I’m not great at organizing my thoughts :p
Does anyone else feel similarly? Like, you’ve fallen in love and experienced sexual attraction, but at the same time you don’t feel any need to actually act on it?