u/Patient_Tie_5824

My husband comes out of the grocery store all excited to give me something he found in the store. Said the found something he thought I would like and it was a surprise for when we get home. It was buffalo wings. He got me Buffalo wings. I don’t like buffalo sauce… and I don’t care for wings. So he’s now upset that I’m not excited about them.

Starts ranting about how he never does anything right and always says the wrong thing. Turns it into a moment of “I have to get this for my chest” and proceeds to say I am very critical of him and am too sensitive and take things personally when I shouldn’t. Which is really hurtful. And I KNOW it’s his narc tendencies reading his head… because nobody else in my life has ever said those things to or about me.

But why does it hurt to hear him say that? It’s 2PM and I’ve felt the sting of his words hit my nose 2x already. I’m exhausted and need to figure out how to leave.

My daughter had gorgeous hair, very smooth loose curls near her ends. She loves to have her hair done but she comes home looking downright FERAL. Give me some hair styles that even the most rambunctious kids can’t mess up!

We have the best dog, sure he gets on my nerves, but he is amazing. So gentle with my kids, very loyal, always wanting to be with us. He’s also obsessed with sticks. 😂

Well. For the first time in 6 years, I thought he was choking on a twig while my kids and I were outside playing on the swing set (5yo, 18mo). I quickly recognized something was not right with my dog as he was moving his body in ways I’ve never seen a dog move. Quickly, got my kids inside and thought he was choking. I start to panic as he is laying very still and try to get him to move. He does, but is acting erratic and is panicking. Made me panic, I tried to look in his mouth and couldn’t see anything. I called my husband and got no answer. I called at least 5-6 times before I called my mom in hysterics because I couldn’t figure out how to help my dog and my 5yo is bawling thinking he’s dying. My mom ended up rushing to help but my BIL beat her here as he’s closer. Long story short, he had a stick wedged on the inside of his upper teeth and another piece stuck in his gums toward the back of his mouth. My BIL saved the day, hallelujah!

My husband finally answered my calls 15 minutes after initially tried to call saying he was coming. By the time he walked through the back gate, my BIL had just got the stick out. I could immediately tell my husband was pissed everyone was here trying to help. He wouldn’t even look at my BIL, didn’t even look at me. Just said the dog was ok, petted him a few times, checked on my daughter for 15 seconds and was annoyed she was crying and said “I’m going back to work” and left.

He’s now upset that I called my family to help when he was on his way. I literally called him 13x with no response. I called his cell and his work number. No answer. Who else would I have help me if he can’t be bothered? My mom even commented on his behavior and was appalled he left after seeing my daughter so upset and how chaotic it was. Now I’m embarrassed my mom witnessed that ridiculously childish behavior.

That isn’t normal right? Being upset people came to help in a time of need? Who acts like that?? Why do I feel guilty now?!

Does anyone else look at their situation and wonder which one is the narc? Is it me? Or is it my spouse? I genuinely don’t mean to be boastful or anything, but I am a well liked person and don’t have any “enemies” (at least that I am aware of). My husband just says how difficult I am, how I’m selfish, how I never make sense, how I’m difficult, I’m too emotional, etc… but I never hear these things unless it’s coming from his mouth.

I know it’s not me. I know I’m not perfect but I’m not a narcissist… I’m not selfish and if anything I’m the polar opposite, going above my own self to help others.

If I know it… why does the doubt creep in? Why do I feel like maybe I’m the crazy one when he spews his nonsense and words?

For example.. we just spent time shopping in another town. My aunt and husband just bought a new house and my parents were going for a tour and my family was all invited. I told my husband this early this morning, unsure of the time due to my aunts schedule. We got back to town and everyone was at the new house. I said I felt we should just go home because our kids are tired and we have groceries in the car. My husband immediately stared huffing and puffing, saying how I always have excuses for not hanging out with people (??? We just spent 3 hours with his sister and are hanging out with her tomorrow???) and how he’s trying to be nice and do something nice for my family. Wouldn’t shut up, just kept talking about how himself and how he wants to do this to be nice. I never said one way or the other… but him acting like that just ruined it for me and I don’t want to go anymore. It’s miserable when he acts like this.

I don’t know how to continue with this… I’m at my wits end.

Long story short, we bought a new house and moved in less than a month ago. We found a very small amount of water on our basement carpet this morning. We bought the property/house with his parents (who are amazing and not like him at all) so we had to call them and let them know. We mitigated the issue.

I was on the phone with my sister when I found the water, who was also with my parents. I told her I’d call back because I needed to talk to my husband. Well she told my dad, and my dad texted my husband and I and said he could help with any mitigation and suggested we use some fans to help dry up the water.

My husband lost his damn mind. He was furious I shared that with my sister, and was furious she shared that with my dad, and is furious my dad offered help.

So the conversation essentially looked like this-
Husband upset about water -> upset that I shared with my sister -> upset at my dad for offering to help while also upset my sister shared our business -> upset that I didn’t tell him first that my family knew -> upset that I don’t communicate about anything and apparently tell my family a lot without my husband knowing (what??) -> somehow morphed into telling me that I don’t communicate my schedule and all he does is over communicate with everyone and how he’s tired of bending over backward for me (also what???) and ended with “Forget it, it’s like I’m talking to a wall when I try to explain myself”

What the actual heck just happened??

My husband made breakfast for the kids. I said I wanted cereal (mainly because I prefer scrambled eggs and he refuses to make them scrambled, only dippy 😅🙄). I come downstairs to a bowl with maybe 5-10 pieces of cereal in it and a spoon. I figured it was one of the kids, really didn’t know and had zero directions from him.

Got my own bowl, spoon, and poured my milk and cereal. He got PISSED because I didn’t use the bowl and spoon he had out for me. How was I supposed to know that lol. It looked like a half eaten bowl which happens daily with my kids. He does the whole huff and puff, shaking his head. So annoying. It is always the smallest things that make him angry!

My husband and I just had a huge fight, aka him talking at me and me not saying much at all. Here’s some bullet points…

- he’s trying to line up practice times for his basketball team and asked me to look at his drafted schedule and give feedback

- I noticed he has practice listed varying time frames from 5:30-9:00 on the same day our oldest has dance from 6:30-7:30. He already told me he would avoid dance times…. But he schedules practices smack over it??? I circled them and shared this was a conflict, probably 8/12 weeks, just one day of the week.

- he gets pissed off because I didn’t just say the schedule was great. He’s mad I’m asking questions to understand why he can’t move it. It dawns on he he can, but doesn’t want to. Things like “it’s not like thought oh hey, they have dance, let’s do practice then so I don’t have to deal with that” which I didn’t think of in the first place UNTIL HE SAID THAT. Also said he had to sacrifice for others and has nothing left for me and “I want Saturday’s to be free of work. I’m not changing my practice to Saturday just to help you”.

- Then after he says some very mean things, I cry. I’m so frustrated. Listening to him share how he has to sacrifice for others but he won’t change a time for me, that is COMPLETELY changeable (he showed me the schedules, I pointed out the time, and he had a ridiculous excuse as to why he couldn’t do it). Basically tells me that my crying is pathetic and I am way to emotional

- he told me he needs to speak to someone because he feels j don’t trust him or respect him. Well I don’t, because I’ve caught him lying in a million ways. He went on to say he has anger problems, which I also think he does. And that he’s going to talk to the school counselor. Will he?? Probably not. He rarely does what he says he’s going to do.

- went downstairs to cry alone without being yelled at for crying and to avoid him waking my children. Hasn’t checked on me. Hasn’t done a single thing beside shower and go to bed.

I’m so frustrated. I’m just venting. I like to type out my feelings for documentation and hopefully to look back someday and be happier than I am now.

My husband doesn’t take care of things. And it’s not for lack of time, because he has plenty of time to sit and play games on his phone or talk to his friends on the phone.

My dad is handy and offered to fix things long after they are broken. I usually take him up on these things after so long of dealing with broke screens in windows or broken closet doors.

Well, my husband gets absolutely pissed off when this happens. He hates anyone fixing things or offering to help. Why is this?? He’s okay with his Dad organizing our tools and hardware but anything from my family is a problem, other than child care.

I went back to work today after being off for the summer. My husband had my son (2yo) for probably 3 hours and he calls me. He never calls so I answered immediately.

He starts yelling about the ant trap and that I need to stop putting them out (literally this is the second ant trap I’ve ever used in this house but okay). He tells me that our son picked it up and ran with it, he’s worried he ate some, and keeps repeating that it’s my fault because I put the trap out.

First of all. My husband knew the ant trap was there.. it was behind the curtains and wedged between the wall and dog dish. My son had to work to get it out. Which means he wasn’t paying attention when this happened.

He starts being sad and mopey and saying how he’s a bad parent. I was pissed at this point and said “you are a bad parent if your face is so deep in your phone that you aren’t watching your kid”. I asked if that’s what he was doing and he said no.

Then he tells me that he only got a little bit and that he’s fine. But when I get home, I found some on the couch and rug on the other side of our great room. After this finding, I questioned him again and he said “oh well I was watching tv and didn’t realize where he went” instead of “I was with him the whole time”.

I’m so pissed off and honestly worried. My son is fine. I called poison control and there is nothing to worry about. I’m worried because my husband lied about this whole situation and the fact that he can’t take accountability for literally anything. Narcish if you ask me. But also… I’m worried because something serious could’ve happened to my son and my husband is too worried about his phone or tv to watch him closely. I’m not crazy for feeling like this right??? The narc cloud is in my judgement space with this…

I’ve typed and deleted my current situation at least 4x and have no idea how it went downhill so quickly. Typing it out doesn’t even make sense.

It’s pathetic how things change with narcs. Always have to be the victim no matter how small the issue is… it never fails.

Does anyone else’s narc ever say “You never defend me”? My husband says this occasionally, mostly when something happens so with my parents… usually so fucking minor a flea couldn’t be bothered. For example, my dad offered to mow our yard 2 days before we leave for vacation and it’s ridiculously long. This is the second time this week my dad has mentioned it. My husband is beyond pissed and just yelled at me for 15 minutes on the phone. This is after he borrowed a mower from a neighbor (we just moved) and mowed the yard because he’s pissed that my dad offered.

It’s pretty pathetic that I had to tell myself to act neutral and gray rock when he called earlier to complain about my dad offering again. My dad had no ill intent. He’s just trying to help. My husband says he over stepped. We have a yard service starting late next f week… like 7-8 days from now.

It happened one other time recently when my mom took my daughter out for lunch and then to a store to get a toy. He was mad my mom did that, because he felt she didn’t ask us prior to buying her a toy. That’s ridiculous. His parents buy toys we ask not to get all the time.

I am almost always neutral when he’s in these moods. I can’t lie and say the yard doesn’t need mowed… it’s so bad and long. Any other time he’s claimed I don’t defend him, it’s something stupid to be upset about.

We just moved last weekend into a new home. It has a MUCH bigger yard. My husband has always struggled to mow out tiny, townhouse postage stamp. We are leaving tomorrow for vacation. He hasn’t mowed our lawn at either house.

He says he doesn’t have time… but he does. He played video games. Sleeps in. He’s going to a basketball tournament (he coaches a college team) this weekend, pushing our vacation back a day, it’s not necessary or required. Just something he wants to do.

My dad offered 2x to come by and mow so my husband didn’t have to. My husband is SOOO offended by this. Earlier in the week I encouraged him to reach out to a former player who has their own mowing/lawn business because ours needed done and his mower is at the other house. He says he texted this individual.. but didn’t because I looked at his phone after 3 days of saying he didn’t hear from them. When I asked if he had the right number, it turned into “I instagrammed”. What? Okay, that’s odd but whatever. After I gave him the number, magically she got back to him right away. 😅 He’s claiming shes coming Tuesday, but initially said she was going to work us into her schedule. So which is it??

Well, now our lawn is incredibly long. My dad offered to do it prior to his player coming. I told my husband it needs to be taken care of. They are calling for horrible rain for the next 3 days. I’m worried about ticks as our area is very prone to them. My husband tells me I’m irrational to worry about ticks because we’ve never seen one. We have two young children and a dog. That’s enough to worry about ticks.

Am I crazy for being frustrated?? Maybe I’m the problem. This goes beyond the yard honestly. He’s always making excuses as to why he’s too busy to do things around the house. Yet he is able to miss birthday parties and events for his kids because of work.

I have no idea why I’m writing this. I’m just sick of the excuses as to why he’s so busy to take care of household things. Tired of him being offended by people offering to help take things off his plate. Tired of him being the victim in literally every single area. I’m so tried of it.

Hey y’all. Wondering what you would do in this situation..

My husband is mad at me.. because I was upset over his reaction to something ridiculously minor. He’s refusing to show affection/being intimate until I apologize. The problem is… I have NO IDEA what I need to be sorry for.. at all. Zero clue. He keeps saying things like “Well if you just say those 3 words, I’ll kiss you” or “You really struggle to say sorry”. I suspect this is projection.

Do y’all say sorry when things are like this? I know I shouldn’t… but we’re moving in 3 days and things are so tense. I just want to be positive.

I feel like this is such a taboo topic in my little corner of the world. Genuinely feel like my husband is emotionally abusive and I’m struggling with what to do…

I’m starting therapy through a Christian counseling agency locally. He is refusing couples counseling. I’m a Christian and am struggling big time here. I feel convicted to stay for my children so they don’t grow up in a broken home… but at what cost? Just today my 5yo said “Daddy stop talking to mommy in your mean voice, that’s not nice.” They’re observant. I’m scared and feel alone and don’t know what to do.

Edited to add- he is a Christian as well.

Edit #2- I want to thank all of you for being supportive with your comments and affirming my “gut feeling” that I need to plan an exit with my kids. I’m terrified if I am being honest.. scared for my kids to be exposed to this stuff, how my life is going to change, how will I fiscally support myself and two children.. the ONLY peace I have is knowing God has this under control and I just need to follow his lead.

I genuinely don’t understand and need advice or a clear mind to look at my situation.

My husband just yelled the house down because I shrugged my shoulder in response to his statement. Here’s how the convo went..

“Maybe you should stay home instead of run errands. It’s almost 11 and they need to eat lunch before nap.” -husband

“*shrugs shoulders* Yeah..” -me

“No forget it! Body language! You don’t even need to finish the sentence. You don’t want to listen to me. You said the same thing yesterday about my body language and now you’re doing it!!” -husband”

He went off. Yelling, stomping, openly talking down about me in front of our kids.. telling me I’m ridiculous for crying. How I always make everything about me and how I always make myself the victim. I was so shocked at how quickly he changed from his normal self to this guy who is just angry over something so small. He yelled at me because I wasn’t saying anything.. yelling because what I said didn’t make sense.

He refused to leave (he was going to work) until I told him why I was upset. He stood, arms crossed against the wall staring at me as I made our kids lunch for probably 3-4 minutes. He would shift so he was in my view, huff and puff. Shockingly, he didn’t lose it when I expressed I was confused by his outburst. Then proceeded to stand arms crossed, and stare at me for another 3-4 minutes while I was feeding our kids. My daughter asked if he was a statue. 😂😅 I was thankful for the break in tension.

I’m so confused as to where this came from.. it was very jarring and it really hurt to hear him diminish me openly like that. This isn’t new behavior, it happens but usually there’s building, not something so simple as a shrug??

He apology was “i’m sorry you interpreted it to be that way. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” And then the whole huff and puff, no eye contact, being normal with our kids and giving me the super cold shoulder until he left for work.

This isn’t normal… right? I believe he is a narc but sometimes it’s hard for me to see clearly if that makes sense??

I genuinely don’t understand and need advice or a clear mind to look at my situation.

My husband just yelled the house down because I shrugged my shoulder in response to his statement. Here’s how the convo went..

“Maybe you should stay home instead of run errands. It’s almost 11 and they need to eat lunch before nap.” -husband

“*shrugs shoulders* Yeah..” -me

“No forget it! Body language! You don’t even need to finish the sentence. You don’t want to listen to me. You said the same thing yesterday about my body language and now you’re doing it!!” -husband”

He went off. Yelling, stomping, openly talking down about me in front of our kids.. telling me I’m ridiculous for crying. How I always make everything about me and how I always make myself the victim. I was so shocked at how quickly he changed from his normal self to this guy who is just angry over something so small. He yelled at me because I wasn’t saying anything.. yelling because what I said didn’t make sense.

He refused to leave (he was going to work) until I told him why I was upset. He stood, arms crossed against the wall staring at me as I made our kids lunch for probably 3-4 minutes. He would shift so he was in my view, huff and puff. Shockingly, he didn’t lose it when I expressed I was confused by his outburst. Then proceeded to stand arms crossed, and stare at me for another 3-4 minutes while I was feeding our kids. My daughter asked if he was a statue. 😂😅 I was thankful for the break in tension.

I’m so confused as to where this came from.. it was very jarring and it really hurt to hear him diminish me openly like that. This isn’t new behavior, it happens but usually there’s building, not something so simple as a shrug??

He apology was “i’m sorry you interpreted it to be that way. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” And then the whole huff and puff, no eye contact, being normal with our kids and giving me the super cold shoulder until he left for work.

This isn’t normal… right? I believe he is a narc but sometimes it’s hard for me to see clearly if that makes sense??

My husband and I have been married 8 years, together 10. Over the years, my dishonest has been dishonest with me. I want to say- I am not claiming to be perfect. I’m a far from a perfect wife. I’m struggling because the lying continues even after I’ve shared with him how hurtful it is..

For example, the big ones I’ll list here.

1.) He often, more frequently than not, embellishes stories or details when talking to others. I don’t correct him in person, but I question him when we are alone due to it not being honest.

2.) Many, many lies about finances. Forgotten electric bills resulting in no power to our house, late payments on our car bill even though he promised he’s taken care of it. Our HELOC went to collections last year because he didn’t pay it, after telling me for months it was paid, even after the company called me asking for payment or to remind us about a payment. When confronted on these things specifically, he claims he has no time and gets overwhelmed. I offer to help, but he says he need to do them. Which honestly, yes he should. I do everything in the house and child care besides mowing. He should be able to use auto pay to pay bills 1x a month. This has been a major point of contention in our marriage.

3.) We are buying a house. He told me he contacted the lender and the realtor about moving up the closing. He didn’t. He also claimed he had another document completed. It wasn’t.

4.) As I write this, I noticed his location as him in Kentucky at a basketball tournament. He told me he was going to Ohio for a tournament, which is where he was last night.. I noticed on his schools social media last week that coaches would be at 2 tournaments. When I asked why that was listed as 2 places, he said they decided to just do Ohio. So I assumed he was just going to Ohio because he told me he was just doing Ohio. Well which is it? Did you decide Ohio and Kentucky prior like advertised and just wasn’t honest with me about it? Or did you really decide morning of to do both places like you are now claiming?

I’m beyond tired of this. It makes me feel like I can’t trust him. I have no reason to think he is cheating on me. But I can’t help but think that, right? I question everything he tells me now. And now he’s upset that I’m questioning things and tells me I just need to trust him. But HOW? Please share wisdom with me.

Let me also say- I posted this in a different thread by accident want was told I need to do more with the finances. Yall. This isn’t about the finances. I work, I pay bills. I take care of my daughter’s tuition for preschool, our health bills, utility bills. Our mortgage, cable and credit card bills are auto pay. Literally the bare minimum each month for him to take care of is the car and electric. It’s not about the finances. It about his lack of respect for lying about it.

My husband and I have been married 8 years, together 10. Over the years, my dishonest has been dishonest with me. I want to say- I am not claiming to be perfect. I’m a sinner and am far from a perfect wife. I’m struggling because the lying continues even after I’ve shared with him how hurtful it is..

For example, the big ones I’ll list here.

1.) He often, more frequently than not, embellishes stories or details when talking to others. I don’t correct him in person, but I question him when we are alone due to it not being honest.

2.) Many, many lies about finances. Forgotten electric bills resulting in no power to our house, late payments on our car bill even though he promised he’s taken care of it. Our HELOC went to collections last year because he didn’t pay it, after telling me for months it was paid, even after the company called me asking for payment or to remind us about a payment. When confronted on these things specifically, he claims he has no time and gets overwhelmed. I offer to help, but he says he need to do them. Which honestly, yes he should. I do everything in the house and child care besides mowing. He should be able to use auto pay to pay bills 1x a month. This has been a major point of contention in our marriage.

3.) We are buying a house. He told me he contacted the lender and the realtor about moving up the closing. He didn’t. He also claimed he had another document completed. It wasn’t.

4.) As I write this, I noticed his location as him in Kentucky at a basketball tournament. He told me he was going to Ohio for a tournament, which is where he was last night.. I noticed on his schools social media last week that coaches would be at 2 tournaments. When I asked why that was listed as 2 places, he said they decided to just do Ohio. So I assumed he was just going to Ohio because he told me he was just doing Ohio. Well which is it? Did you decide Ohio and Kentucky prior like advertised and just wasn’t honest with me about it? Or did you really decide morning of to do both places like you are now claiming?

I’m beyond tired of these lies. It makes me feel like I can’t trust him. I have no reason to think he is cheating on me. But I can’t help but think that, right? I question everything he tells me now. And now he’s upset that I’m questioning things and tells me I just need to trust him. But HOW? Please share share wisdom with me.

I’m exhausted. My husband is leaving for a work trip (though 100% voluntary) tomorrow and won’t be home for 4 days. We are moving next weekend. I have packed every box in this house, shared that things needs to be fixed/painted/etc for when we list our house. He is choosing to go on this work trip at a time that we should be packing to close on our new house in a week. To say I’m pissed is a royal understatement. I’m choosing to gray rock, I don’t want to get into it before he leaves.

II told him yesterday I was staying in bed until 10am today since he was leaving for the work trip. He took care of the kids, sure. The house was a disaster when I came downstairs. He also sent my daughter to wake me up at 9:45.. couldn’t let me stay in bed until the time I stated of course. Then he says “I have to work so you need to be here with the kids.” Proceeds to go upstairs to “work” from 10am-1pm. Runs a couple errands with my daughter, then “works” again from 3-5:15. His work, by the way, is not work. He’s scrolling social media. I can hear the videos playing from downstairs.

I just got the kids set for dinner. Heated up their food. All good. He comes down and I say “I’m going to take a shower” and he says “ok” in his passive aggressive, pissed off voice. I know you know what I’m talking about, they ALL have this voice. I tell him if he’s not ok with em showering, just say so because I don’t want it to be held against me later or hear passive aggressive comments about it (like I did sleeping in this morning). Then he says “I don’t care that your showering, it’s just you shower at weird times. It’s ridiculous and weird”. I just said ok and walked upstairs and listened to him openly rant out me in front of my kids… “you just don’t like the answer, you always have an attitude, you just always have to get your way”.

Never mind the fact he’s leaving at 5:50 to get his sister from work and drive her home because her car is in the shop, the kids will need cleaned up/kitchen clean up, the baby goes to bed at 7, the toddler at 7:30. And then I do all my evening chores and prep for the next day. I don’t sit down until most nights close to 9. He might pick up 3 odd toys and a dog toy after the kids eat dinner.

Am I sensitive here? He does this shit ALLLL the time. He can shower whenever he wants. He gets ready every single morning alone, in peace and quiet. I just want 10 minutes to do basic human shit before I get ready for the evening. Is that too much to ask? I feel confused by this. This can’t be normal..

I am fairly certain my husband is a narc, or is just extremely selfish.

Every single day, unless I explicitly say or request, he “sleeps” while I get up with the kids. He never, ever hears them when they are crying or if they come into our room. I get up around 7/730 with both kids (2yo/4yo) and he stays in bed “sleeping” aka scrolling social media or playing games on his phone until usually 9:30-10:00 unless he has to be at work early. I can text him or yell for him and he gives me the classic “ok I’ll be down” but doesn’t actually make an effort to get out of bed. I’ve quit asking honestly. It just makes me resentful and I don’t want to start my day out on a sour note. Plus, spending time with my kids while they are sleepy and cuddly is a massive perk. ❤️🥰

I work for the local school district and have been searching for a computer chair on Facebook marketplace. Just something cheap for my classroom for me to sit on since one isn’t provided.. IYKYK. Anyway, I found someone selling 2 of them and decided to jump on it because we need one for our home office. All in, $20 for both so a great deal! Well now my husband is upset because I didn’t talk to him or ask his permission first. This has never been a thing in our marriage lol. I’ve never had to ask about buying things. When I have asked, it’s “I trust you” or “just be smart with money”. I was very taken aback by his response. Still am. He tells me I buy things every day (definitely do not lol) and that I need to cut back or I’ll need to get a new job. He isn’t kidding, he’s constantly telling me I don’t make enough and should get a new job.

I don’t know why I’m typing this other than for evidence and a little place to put my thoughts. I’m really tired of being caught off guard. I feel like my nervous system never gets a break.