New student- overwhelmed and Pressured
I’m entering my fifth month of a PhD in molecular biology, and lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the pessimism around me. So far, I’m doing well in the program and reasonably well in research given how early it is. I also have a young, supportive, involved mentor. But constantly hearing other students and faculty talk about the terrible job market, the “uselessness” of PhDs, and how hopeless academia is has been really discouraging. Not that I blame anyone for complaining, because it doesn't seem like they're wrong.
I really do love science and academia, but I'm seeing the path beyond the PhD as overly cutthroat, and work-life balance is sacrificed in order to succeed. I’d say I'm ambitious and productive (I’ve written multiple papers since starting, one published and others under review), and I care about what I do, but I also care about maintaining boundaries and having a life outside work. I’ve left "prestigious" environments before because they crossed reasonable work/life boundaries. I wanted a future that includes both a fulfilling career and eventually a family, and maybe that was just me being naive (especially as a woman). Right now, everything past this point just seems impossible without major sacrifices.
My mentor, despite being kind and supportive, also adds pressure regarding my future. He frequently talks about how “nobody wants to do science anymore” and often frames things as “when you become a PI, you’ll need to know X and Y.” I did express interest in academia during interviews, but now I feel somewhat locked into that expectation. He brags about me to everyone he meets, which I appreciate but also he always mentions me 'wanting to be a PI'. Recently he even said my generation is “the hope” for the lab and our subfield, which honestly felt overwhelming. I worry that if he knew how I'm feeling, he'd turn against me.
I'm not even really sure what advice I'm asking for but I've always been someone who needed a clear direction, and the fact that I can't figure out a future that fits both my career and personal goals has been on my mind every single day. I don't have doubts that I can do this, but I am having doubts about what the point of doing this is. I can't see my way forward. Anyway thank you for reading guys I appreciate any advice