u/Peace431

Would love to see some

I, M24, have been taking care of my brother, who is my twin, for the better part of five years now.

Over the last 11 years, he has been battling various substance abuse issues due to our elderly single mother being diagnosed with dementia after a long battle with cancer.

He was addicted to weed and used to spiral into abusive outbursts that resulted in him attacking me with a knife a couple of times. It mostly happened when my aunt or I called him out for letting weed control his life. At around 19, he had violent outbursts that resulted in me calling the cops on him. The pressure and paranoia from being taken to jail turned into a psychotic meltdown, during which he began hearing voices that pushed violent urges. Later in life, a psychiatric evaluation diagnosed him with schizophrenia and OCD.

For the better part of five years, my mother’s sisters asked me to take care of my brother, rent an apartment for both of us, help him cope, and take care of his hygiene as much as possible.

He’s smart and capable in his own way, but he’s messy and tends to his responsibilities, like showering or cleaning up, only once or twice a month. Once every six months or so, we would have meltdowns that resulted in bruises, fights, and near-death situations.

I’m not perfect either. I’m autistic and tend to drink four times a week to numb the experience. I feel a lot of remorse and responsibility for my brother, even if people say it’s misplaced.

A year ago, my aunt gave us our old childhood home to live in after my elderly mother moved into a nursing home. I transfer around $500 a month to the nursing home; my brother does not contribute.

A few months ago, he told me he blames me for his psychotic meltdown. It broke my heart. I know it’s not true, but it’s one of those bad assumptions I’ve made about myself.

A few weeks ago, I learned he had been stealing from my bank account to pay for OpenAI, cigarettes, and sweets. It amounted to around $250 a month.

A few days ago, he entered a hostel for struggling individuals as a chance to better himself. It lasted around a week before he returned to our house. I felt like I had had enough, so I locked the house and didn’t let him back in. My aunt and I told him he needed to stay at the hostel.

On numerous occasions, he has told me he wants to kill himself in our mother’s house and believes that is his destiny. He works on a VR program that lets him go through the afterlife and create worlds based on his desires. We’ve talked about how it is really a form of escapism, but he intends to try to sell it as an alternative to Unity (which is a whole other can of worms that I won’t open).

I don’t approve of his plans: living off welfare, never going out to see people, not working, not getting treatment, and simply staring at his computer while his body and mind deteriorate.

I wouldn’t let him back into the house, but he persisted. Later that day, I caved. He broke down the door, and I had to get someone to repair it.

I couldn’t keep being in that house, trapped in such a dense, tense, filthy, and chaotic environment, so I packed my things and left.

I currently live at a friend’s house, and I don’t feel any shame or regret, but I still care for my brother.

I care about my mother’s house as well. He is heavily in debt (around $20,000) and does not regulate himself or his spending.

Was I a jerk for leaving him out?

What should I do?

Edit:
Thanks everybody for the wise comments. Currently I’m searching a place nearby my work.
I don’t want any relationship with him but I might try to reach out in a couple of months and keep low profile.
I think he’s capable of getting help but he needs to be truly alone for it to occur.

It pains the heart but it’s necessary.