Feeling lost and alone.
My bf (Korean-American 30) and I (Latina-American 29) celebrated our 4 year anniversary yesterday. And what was meant to be a celebration and happy conversation about our future, ended up with both us depressed haha.
My bf has just told me that during their most recent family vacation, that his father will not be allowing him into the family business ( presumably the family in general too) if he marries me.
They have been dangling this family business over his head for years, from hounding him to quit his job to join the business a year ago to now. He ended up quitting his job to work the family business.
Now all of a sudden it comes with strings. As I always suspected. While he has always told me that he wants a future with me, I didn’t realize that this was a possibility. His parents refused him the family business when he was telling them it was getting serious between us, but they let up and allowed him to work. I didn’t truly think they would do this.
Now, we’re in limbo. Unsure if he’ll actually leave the family business to be with me, potentially cutting off his parents, (only his older sister really accepts us, younger doesn’t ever have an opinion, but I assume she thinks the same as he parents).
We talked and he said he wants to be with me. And he doesn’t looked stressed..but he’s like he has to find another job, start at square one essentially. Has to tell his parents his decision. Which he’ll do EOM. . But what does that mean for us. I feel like he wasn’t clear to me. Which is an answer I know. I’m stupid and want to give it a chance. If he’ll do what he says would make him happy. Planning our life together.
But his family, his parents, so inflexible, racist, people. Says that because I’m Hispanic, his Korean employees won’t take him seriously and that it will affect him doing his job. Because the chefs, stock people are Hispanic, that it’s a liability to the business to be with me.
He believes this to a point. I’m hurt obv bc maybe I’m ignorant, but I don’t think it will affect his ability to gain respect.
But what do I know?
I’m rambling. I just need to vent, get support idk something. I just don’t want to feel like this. Alone.
How could they be so close minded? Racist?
I may not come from their version of a good family but I’m proud of my mom. And what she was able to do for me. She worked two jobs for over 6 years to help get our own apartment when my parents split. By herself. Admirable. We are hard working people. And people always look down on us. And that’s how I feel his parents see me and my family. And they background checked me and my family to know whatever it is they know. My brother has gotten into stupid trouble with the law over the years, nothing to do with me. And they see that as another reason. which they never fail to mention to him.
I had a good job, I have hobbies, I take care of my family, I look out for my friends and family, I take care of him. I love him. I respect our relationship. And it means nothing.
TLDR: boyfriends family will kick him out of the family business if he marries me. And we would be starting from square one in terms of life. He thinking about everything. And so am I.
I just don’t know if maybe I should call it quits. Or wait to see if he stands up for us. I know what the answer is I just don’t want to feel alone.