u/Peanutbuttaahh

Throw away account
Just a rant
I know this is how it is when you live with someone and you realize who they are after a while.

My girlfriend just moved in with me recently due to a family situation. She hasn't cared to take care of herself or anything she leaves behind.
She does work a lot of the time usually 3 to 11 five days a week. I remind her to take care of yourself and save her money as much as I can while also trying to be mindful and not nagging her a lot. She doesn't listen although she'll annoyingly say yes and I will.

I do take care of my household chores. I do wash the dishes, dry the dishes, put them away, organize groceries (they are delivered to my house but when we go out I am the one who goes grocery shopping), I sweep, I deep clean when we do, I do our laundry, I cook dinner for her and my family of 4, i take the trash and recycle out. I keep up the maintenance of my house as best as I can. My mom works full time from home, paid the house off, and all the bills and groceries and takes care of herself and cleans after herself. I try to keep the house nice for my mother. I have two siblings that don't ever really come out of their room and eat at dinner and later at midnight. They don't often do anything besides jobs outside the house like replacing a headlight on the car or mowing the lawn and watering the grass.

When my girlfriend first moved in she said she'd do anything she'd pay rent she'd clean just to get out. Obviously me and my family welcomed her in and agreed that we are here to shelter her nothing else so she does not need to pay anything and my gf's parents were okay with that while sending my mom money to help too. So far she hasn't really kept her word. She hasn't really cleaned after herself. When she cooks if she does she leaves dirty dishes around and i remind her to clean up after and she never does she always waits until its too late and she has to leave for work or something. Or she'll say she'll do them tomorrow and never does them. Most of the time I have to cook for her otherwise she wont eat anything because she apparently doesnt know what to eat. We get groceries every week and our fridge is usually full and she never finds anything to eat. She'll complain shes always hungry and stuff and I give her snacks and foods. I'm okay with doing our laundry as its stupid to do it separately but she never picks up her clothes after wearing them. She always throws them on the floor and i end up picking up after her. I remind her many times and she whines and says yes i will stop reminding me and gets annoyed at me. She has left my room but now our room a huge mess. She'll doordash food when i don't cook something. I always have to do her hair for practice or work or when we go out. She refuses to go alone in the bathroom or my basement. She'll make me stay up with her when she can't sleep. She'll spend a lot of her money on things i find unnecessary but she can spend her money she wants like I said before. I cant control her finances. She tends to use circumstances where she has paid for me against me.
Throughout our relationship I paid for her about 80 percent of the time. It's never been something i think about as i'd never make her be left out or not included because she can't pay for something. Since she has gotten a job it's been easier on me as she pays for herself. Not really for me but thats okay because it's her money. I feel that she just really doesn't care anymore or maybe its just not a standard for her to do things? I don't understand why she is like that. She gets very frustrated at me when i talk about how i feel when she doesn't help me with things. I'm getting very tired.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons

Me and my gf had a chat about bodies and past relationships as I find it is good to discuss boundaries and clarify them. I found out she had slept with her entire friend group. There were 6 other girls in this group. Not all together all at once but in times of "need" she'd have sex with them when they wanted or she wanted it. It was casual to them and the friend group. They realized it wasn't healthy and cut off all contact with each other about five years ago. Obviously they were young and it shouldn't be normalized but that is not the point of this conversation.

It makes me uncomfortable and insecure. Not that she has slept with so many people but the fact she could casually sleep with different people multiple times and feel nothing towards them. I mean she was obviously attracted to them enough to have intimacy and get off. How do I know our relationship isn't casual or that she doesn't see other people that way.

Her bestest friend ever was her first body and it was casual. I don't know how to feel about it at all. Although she is not in my gf's life anymore, none of them are. She says she still misses them as people and friends. And not the sex and unhealthy habits. I understand some people can feel different and easily distinguish their feelings but i just feel so insecure about it.

I 17F and my girlfriend 17F have been together a little over a year and a half. We'll call her J. J recently moved in with me and my family due to her family situation. I won't speak too much on her family situation as it isn't my place and I haven't been put in her exact position, but if those details are helpful to give context then I can absolutely give a brief explanation.

In the last 4 to 6 months of our relationship, it's been kind of rocky. Now, I get that we're young and it's still early in our relationship. It's not like we're in a long long term but our idea is to be in a long term relationship, marriage, life. I feel that many people will just tell me its getting out of a honeymoon phase and whatnot but I feel like I'm not being treated well. So here we go, it's been rocky in our relationship and it's always my fault. Hear me out

The majority of the time that we've gotten in an argument or fight, I've always been the one to end up apologizing. Whether it's apologizing for a mistake I made, something I said, or just for how I perceived something and it wasn't intended to hurt me, I've always apologized for the way I feel. I feel that every time she always finds a way to flip it to be on me rather than her. Now there are times where I've clearly communicated to her how I feel about this and her reason for why is that it's always my fault is because I do and say stupid shit all the time. And if I didn't then we wouldn't be in this situation. Now I understand how some things I say to her may be direct and blunt. J has communicated to me that I have a tone when I say things and I don't realize how I speak to people. However it seems that she is the only person who thinks that. I've asked many people around me and even her friends when they are around and J claims that I have a tone and am giving attitude. They all don't think it's that serious because THEY didn't think that I said anything in a bad way. I've come to think that J always thinks I have bad intentions with anything I say. Even if it is with curiosity, I am met with aggression and disagreement. That has always been the issue that she has with me. I always use a tone and it is disrespectful to her. I never feel that I do and I have began really watching myself and doubting myself for the things I say. Previously before I've complained a lot about how I felt whether i was just tired or bored or wanted some sort of attention and she communicated that its really fucking annoying and I understand from her point of view how it can be really annoying having someone complain a lot so I stopped complaining and began to keep those kind of ideas to myself because I realized its a habit to say those kind of things. However she continues to complain as well. And it's okay when she does it apparently. I've told her upfront before how I don't like the double standard of her being able to do and say things and joke about things that I have clearly said Im not okay with and when I joke about things or complain its an issue. I try to be as understanding as I can but I feel that i'm being walked all over.

Another argument happened when we were just playing a card game. I grew up with a different set of rules than what she thinks all card games should be so I taught her the way I knew it and she didnt like it she thought it was wrong and stupid. I obviously was annoyed and told her that the way I was taught was the way I taught her. It was the way i've played that card game for my entire life. If she has such an issue with it then we can play it the way she wants. She got upset and stormed off. The table we played on had her dinner that wasnt finished and it got knocked over. She left the food on the floor and didn't care to clean it up. I was frustrated. This was all over a game.
I then talked to her and she yelled at me. She always yells at me when she is upset. I tend to cry when I get yelled at but I always try to suck it up because crying can be a reason to get more frustrated with someone when you're upset with them. She yelled and screamed at me loudly it was like midnight. I told her to stop yelling at me per usual and she continued to yell at me to shut the fuck up and she proceeded to tell me that I don't care. Another issue that we've had is that I apparently never care about her or what she feels. I don't understand what she thinks I don't care about and we've had many talks about this before. It's been resolved and let go but it comes back all the time because she believes i don't care about her when I think she is not right about something. I try to see things from her side and see how i acted and see if that would make me feel the same way. Usually it's not that big of a deal to me. However people are different so if it is a big deal to her I change it and I don't proceed to act the way I did because to her it is a big deal. However it feels like something always comes back like she is never happy it wont be enough ever. I'm conflicted and now she is living with me. I talked to her the next day after we had let go of the card game argument. I told her she cannot yell especially in my household where my family sleeps. She yelled at me saying she shouldnt have to yell at me anyway. She shouldnt have to have a reason to yell at me. I told her theres no excuse to the way you treat me. I can be upset and not yell. I can be very angry and not yell. You can learn to control your emotions. She said thats not how it works and that its stupid and bullshit like everything else I say. I love her more than anything but the way she treats me makes me so conflicted. She is very loving at the same time and is caring. She is the one i'd trust to see my whole body without a single bad thought. She's the one I trust to get up and hold me up when nobody else does. But these last few times we've argued have made me rethink if we argue in front of our future kids or family members how it will go and look. It makes me rethink the way she will treat our kids if she gets angry. It makes me rethink a lot of things and i know they aren't a big thing right now at 17 but it still feels so big to me. Can I deal with this for the rest of my life? The answer to that is I absolutely can deal with it but do I want to deal with it? I love her so much but this has been destroying me. Please give advice on what to do or what to say.

I've already tried discussing the way she acts towards me but its never ended well and it has always been my fault for the way she acts. I don't understand and we're still young. I know we dont know everything since we are young but we are still just trying to love each other. I understand it isnt the end of the world if we break up and that I am young and can live on but she is the person Im in love with and i would love to hear an unbiased perspective. Can give more examples of arguments or mdetails if necessary and will answer questions please ask away