u/Penitent7

Hey Fathers, I’ve been pretty hung up with confession lately, I’m pretty involved in my Parish and (would like to think) I am friends with all three of our Priests, which in turn when it comes to confession makes me feel awkward confessing sins of a sexual nature whether it be lust, pornography, masturbation, etc.

I know and trust that Gods mercy is infinite, I just feel awkward going to confession week after week confessing the same thing. I feel more hung up on the awkwardness idea of it if that makes sense, as if the priests are silently judging at least in some capacity, given that they are still human.

Again a part of me just feels as if they are judging and it feels awkward, so I’m curious if any of you ever find yourselves feeling awkward around a penitent after confession if you know them well?

I was texting my Priest the other day and he had mentioned he got a bad nosebleed, it sparked my curiosity so I asked them what would happen if he got one while celebrating Mass, he simply responded that he prayed he never would have one. But I’m still curious. Have any of you ever gotten a nosebleed during mass? Would you just plug it with a tissue and keep going? What did you do? If not, what would you do if you did?

First and foremost I’m still a Neophyte, I was baptized on the vigil, but have considered myself Catholic for the past 3 years. I’m not too sure what I’m attempting to accomplish by posting this, maybe it’s trying to clear my mind or air out my thoughts and throw this out there into the void.

For context, I’m M19, a virgin, but I’ve been struggling with porn for a bit and was first exposed to it maybe about 8 years ago. I went to confession today (this is my third confession ever, and second one with this particular priest), “bless me Father for i have sinned, it’s been a week since my last confession.” And I’m listing my sins, lust, porn, masturbation, gossip, lying, etc. and I begin telling the priest how I feel like a hypocrite in my faith because I keep stumbling, and how (for unrelated familial reasons) I’ve fallen into a depressive slump and have experienced a sort of suicidal ideation and (hardly any) self harm

And as I’m saying all of this he cuts me off, tells me “I think you’re being very hard on yourself” he begins telling me that theres nothing inherently wrong with human sexuality, but there are limitations to human sexuality and he hands me a paper

“S.A. Meetings” with an Address written on it.

If you’re unfamiliar with SA (Like I was) it stands for Sexaholics Anonymous and is an equivalent to Alcoholics Anonymous but for Sex, lust, pornography, etc. and is a 12-Step Program type thing. (According to the Wikipedia page)

He told me for my penance go to a sex addict meeting, as he thinks it could really help, and then he told me to preform the act of contrition. So I did what he said and prayed the act of contrition. So I walked out of the confessional, kinda shocked because this was the first time I’ve been cut off but also it felt like a wake up call, I’ve struggled with lust sure but to the point of going to a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting felt odd to me. I stared at the paper, and I started googling whatever info about it I could.

Only problem is, I don't have a car, and I don't think asking my Mom and Dad to drop me off to an Sexaholics Anonymous meeting would go over too well (neither of them are Catholic), on-top of that I have work full time. So I’m not too sure what to make of the situation, I’m not opposed to trying out a meeting as I’m sure my Priest suggested this in my best interest and I trust him but I feel right now the penance feels unattainable.