Stay together or not. Adhd unmasked
Okey. So I have been diagnosed for adhd about two years ago. Since then I've gone through a lot, mentally and physically. Even had a baby and switched jobs. I've been together with my boyfriend for almost 20 years. Ups and downs ofcourse.
Since I started to suspect adhd in myself, I think I started changing. My mask started to crack, I guess. This has been very hard on our relationship. Now I feel like I changed myself for him too much all those years, for everyone really. And I can't do it anymore, I don't want to.
We have two kids together. A house, family and friends that know each other very well and hang out together. Our lives are intertwined completely. And I really love him too. But.. there is a nagging in my body.
He likes going to music- performances with loud music. I freeze and am in pain there, my ears hurt. I like walking in nature, beautiful hikes. No people around me. He only walkes to the nearest café, preferably one with a lot of folks he knows. He loves smalltalk, I dread it. I love watching movies, comfy together. He falls asleep. He loves cooking new things, I hate tasting new things and can even forget about eating at all. He wants security and luxury, I want adventure or novelty.
Name a thing, anything, and we are opposites. And I hate it, I hate not being able to do things together without discussing.. or me giving into his needs and wants. I feel lonely, misunderstood. I tried explaining, tried finding common ground. But he just says he doesn't like the 'new me'. Although for me. .. this is the real me.. so it really hurts when he says that.
I know taking of my mask is a great risk. It's why I had to change jobs. I lost friends too. People actually got mad at me for finally being me. But losing my family.. I don't know. I don't want to lose them..
What would you do?
Dx