Best Friend
I genuinely feel like I’m losing my mind over this girl and I don’t know what to do anymore.
We’ve known each other for years, but this year we got really close. We started spending a lot of time together, talking constantly, and somehow she became one of the most important people in my life without me even realizing it was happening.
She’s the only person I’ve ever told my deepest secret to. Like genuinely the only one. Being around her made life feel lighter. Some of my favorite memories from this past year involve her, and I honestly think she changed me as a person.
The problem is that she likes this other guy who is basically the complete opposite of me in every way. He’s very much her physical type, and I’m not. That alone already gets in my head more than I’d like to admit.
What frustrates me so much is that she KNOWS he’s bad news. People have literally told her he only wants her for sex. Another girl posted a picture kissing him while all of this was going on. She admits there are red flags and still can’t seem to let him go.
And because we’re so close, we talk about him and the situation all the time. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I basically tell her exactly how I feel about him and everything going on, and I worry it creates weird tension between us because I care too much. I try not to sound jealous, but honestly I am jealous. I think hearing about him over and over while liking her this much is slowly destroying me mentally.
The worst part is that I’ve never been so sure about somebody in my life. Two of our friends have directly said they think I like her, including in front of both of us, and every single time I denied it and walked away because I physically cannot bring myself to tell her the truth.
I wrote her a really emotional graduation letter recently and after rereading it I realized it probably sounded romantic even though I didn’t consciously mean for it to. But if I’m being honest with myself, I think I love her. Like genuinely.
I know nobody owes me feelings back just because I care deeply about them. I know that. I don’t think she’s a bad person for liking somebody else. I’m just exhausted from constantly comparing myself to the person she actually wants and feeling like I’ll never measure up.
Has anybody else ever dealt with this kind of thing? Because I honestly feel heartbroken and pathetic at the same time.