u/Personal_Engineer_29

Do you have a very specific “dream man” or “dream woman” in your head, or is your type more of a feeling?
I’m curious what actually makes someone your type.
Is it primarily physical?
Height/build
Hair/eyes
Facial features
Style
Race/ethnicity
Masculine/feminine energy

Or is it more about the overall package?
Personality
Confidence
Intelligence
Ambition
Sense of humour
How they carry themselves
Lifestyle
The way they treat you

And do you have a mental picture of your ideal person, almost like a celebrity/character archetype or does someone become your type once you get to know them?
Have you ever met someone who was completely outside your usual type but became incredibly attractive to you?

I've seen this debated constantly, and even heard many men say that coffee dates suggested by a man usually signals one of a few things:
He isn't that invested in making a good first impression.

He's trying to keep costs as low as possible because he goes on a lot of first dates.

He's "screening" to see if you're worth putting more effort into later.

On the other hand, plenty of people argue that coffee dates are practical, low-pressure, and a good way to see if there's chemistry before committing to a longer evening.
Women, if a man suggests coffee, smoothies, or another very low-effort first date, do you decline because it feels like you're being auditioned for a "real" date? Or do you see it as a sensible way to meet someone?

What if you counter with some other suggestion that isn’t expensive and they still push their idea?

How long have you been single, and how long have you actively been looking for a relationship?
I'm curious whether most people find a compatible partner quickly or if it's become a much longer process.
For those willing to share:
Your age (optional)

How long you've been single

How long you've been actively dating or searching

Whether you're looking for something casual or a long-term relationship

If you're still searching, what do you think has been the biggest challenge? Your criteria? The available pool? Your own attributes?

It seems like some people meet someone within a few months, while others spend years looking despite putting in a lot of effort.

What are dating standards/dealbreakers you will absolutely never compromise on, and would rather be single for life than ever change? I’m not including bare minimums qualities like honesty, trustworthiness etc.
Not talking about preferences like height or hobbies—I mean the things that are genuinely non-negotiable for you.
For example, it could be:
Wanting or not wanting children.
Income / Financial stability & responsibility /Ambition
Monogamy
Religion or political compatibility
Lifestyle (drinking, smoking, fitness, etc.).
Emotional maturity etc.

Has that standard always been there, or did a past relationship teach you not to compromise on it?
I'm curious what people consider true dealbreakers versus things they've learned they can be flexible about.

I'm curious about people's ethnicity preferences when dating and what actually drives them.
If you have a preference for a particular ethnicity, is it mostly:
Physical attraction?
Wanting someone from your own culture because of shared traditions, religion, or family expectations?
Wanting someone outside your culture because your own culture felt restrictive or incompatible with the life you want?
Something else entirely?

For those who date outside their own ethnicity, was that a conscious decision, or did it just happen based on who you connected with?
Just curious about the different reasons behind people's preferences and experiences.

Curious to hear women's perspectives.
If financial stability and a partner's ability to provide are important to you, do you:
Only date men above a certain income?
Prefer someone in your own tax bracket?
Not care about income as long as they're financially responsible and have potential? Though dating for potential makes more sense in your 20s than 30s imo.

For those who do have a minimum, what's your reasoning? Is it about lifestyle compatibility, long-term financial security, avoiding financial stress, traditional romance preferences, or something else? I’ve heard some women say they can’t maintain attraction or respect for their partner if he doesn’t out earn them in a world that is designed to systemically benefit men.
I'm interested in hearing thoughtful perspectives from women with different views: no judgment, just curious how people approach this.

Has anyone actually found love on this sub? If not, I’d also love to hear why connections from this sub didn’t work out. Are we just wasting time posting here? Also, is it just me or has this sub started morphing into an r4r equivalent? The crowd and DMs seem to be shifting.

Women are often vocal about their frustrations with men in the dating scene, I’d love to hear from men on their challenges with women in Toronto’s dating scene. I'm not looking for a "men vs. women" debate or finger-pointing. I'm interested in understanding experiences from different perspectives. Please keep it respectful and constructive.
If you're comfortable sharing, what do you think is the biggest challenge for men dating in Toronto, and what do you wish more women understood?

This is something I've been curious about, and I'd genuinely love to hear different perspectives.
I often see posts from men who feel discouraged by a lack of matches, difficulty attracting the people they're interested in, or challenges finding a relationship. At the same time, there are many aspects of attraction that can be improved through effort and investment, such as fitness, grooming, skincare, style, confidence, communication skills, and overall lifestyle.
I haven’t struggled with this personally, but my personal philosophy has always been that if there's an outcome I want and I have some degree of control over it, I'm willing to put in the work to improve my odds. Not because anyone needs to be perfect, but because strategic effort often changes results.
What I'm curious about is why some people choose not to focus on becoming more attractive when attraction plays such a significant role in dating.
Is it because they feel people should accept them as they are? Is it a matter of time, money, energy, or priorities? Or is mutual attraction simply less important to them than other qualities?
To be clear, I'm not talking about chasing perfection or trying to look like an influencer. I'm talking about making realistic improvements within your control especially with the plethora of resources available these days.

I just recently learned that even if you kiss someone while on a date without asking for consent and just based on vibes or your read of the situation, it can be considered sexual assault. This hasn’t happened to me or anyone I know but I was just curious if men are actually asking for consent before going in for a kiss.