It's the things I don't see coming
I have been a widow for a year and a half. My husband missed being 58 and a half by one day. I just became 58 and a half this past week. I am now officially older than my husband ever got to be. Somehow, this mathematical fact hurts worse than passing two of our wedding anniversaries without him. I think about him every day, and I miss him every day, but I finally had reached a point where I wasn't crying every day. But this week has just hurt so much. A year and a half ago, my world was turned upside down and shaken.
At first, I just wanted to die, too. I couldn't have me killing myself be part of his legacy. I've spent my time since that realization trying to grab back the pieces of my life. I' ve tried to figure out who I am without him. He was a year and half older than me and now I will always be older than him. I guess it just reminds me that I'm always going to be without him now.