How do I cope with my wife's anger at my chronic fatigue?
I have diagnosed TRD and some variety of chronic fatigue, possibly as a consequence of covid.
I have been working with a psychiatrist since 2022 along with a few of her colleagues occasionally, been in multiple intensive outpatient programs for depression and anxiety, seen perhaps a dozen therapists, tried dozens of medication combos and various treatments both on and off label, participated in multiple research studies looking for treatment, and am pursuing more right now.
My chronic fatigue is persistent and has not responded to treatment.
I get profound, often unpredictable bouts of absolute exhaustion and lethargy. My movement, thinking, speaking etc slow down and I struggle to get or stay out of bed.
Sometimes the triggers are clear in retrospect, but I often cannot predict for sure when it will hit.
When it does, like this evening, she gets irritable and snappy, like one might with an unexpectedly slow computer.
I understand her feelings and she has every right to them, but it hurts. I am not a computer. I don't want to be slow, to fail and fall short of her expectations or needs.
I want to be the father and husband that my son and my wife deserve.
Right now, I cannot do that. I can't take half of the responsibility, give her the same breaks that I need, react faster when the situation demands it, drive when I can't keep my eyes open, etc.
I never wanted to become the husband who doesn't do his share, the father who couldn't watch his own children for a day.
I'm fighting like hell to get better, to find a way out. But I'm so tired.
And it's been such a long time. Years.
I don't know how accurate this perception is (I've been through enough therapy to know how biased we can be), but I feel like I live constantly in the shadow of her anger and frustration.
She doesn't feel like she has the time for therapy or couples counseling, and she refuses to lean on others too much for fear of wearing them out (to be fair it's basically just her parents helping us sometimes. They are eager to help and amazing people, but they can't do everything all the time).
I don't know what to do, say, or even feel about this.