u/Physical_Monitor_499

i’m 23 (m) and i’m caregiver of my boyfriend 24 (m).

i keep having break downs, no one takes them seriously

said i was going to check myself in the hospital because i need help
got told it would be a waste of time and that i should just go a therapist though my insurance

kinda not point

and still no help

the only solution was to take our dog for a couple days

i just want to matter

i mean fuck i’m taking care of your son/ grandson maybe you’d be nicer

and my mom told me this would happen

i’m trying to make things better, i have an appointment
i’m just so hurt

i take care of my boyfriend (24) of 5 years. He got sick two years ago. He has a blood disorder that cause him to have kidney failure. He’s on the list and is doing relatively good. We have good and bad day of course and it’s majority bad days now. He’s so strong and goes through so much and i love him with all my heart. If he died i don’t know what id do.

But ive lost my life.
just started making friends again bc ive forced myself too bc ive been so sad
i cant work full time and for that long because i need to be available to him during dialysis days which are three days a week.
i don’t have a car, i use his. All my money goes to my rent and i make and work so little i’m riddled in debt with little to no light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like no one takes me seriously in his family i’m always looked over.

He gets money from disability and his family and i can’t help but be jealous or resentful. I don’t remember the last time i got a haircut, got clothes for myself, did anything just bc i liked it, every time i run out of deodorant i just have to wait till i get paid and hope i have enough time from rent so i can come up with more money.

i havnt been able to see friends or my parents multiple times bc ive had to stay and take care of him.

So many times ive planned a day and day of i cant do it bc he feels so bad.
And it’s genuine pain, he’s not being manipulative or grasping for attention he’s in such extreme pain sometimes it’s awful. it’s just so much, it just gets to a point where all i want to do is hug and hang out with my mom and i can’t. And i feel selfish for asking for people to think of me