r/caregiversofreddit

Hello, I'm conducting a survey for a college research project examining caregiver burnout and social support among family caregivers of individuals with Alzheimer's disease or dementia.

Participation is voluntary and anonymous. The survey takes approximately 3-5 minutes to complete.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

49 (f) I want to give up.

I can't keep going because I don't have the means or people to help. For 6 years I've been taking care of my husband. Right as we were to finalize our divorce he had an accident that left him without half his brain and in a wheel chair. He's my best friend and knowing everything I had built I was walking away from I still did.

It's been hard, so hard. 3 ICU stays, his family calling me a free loader and a thief, no friends or family close by, but I made it. I learned to fix the dryer, get rid of black mold, take care of him and install everything he needs to live his life to the fullest.

I had my escapes, late at night when he was in bed and our son home I could just drive. Listen to my music and come home feeling better. It helped clear my brain. Or taking my dog to the park where we could walk and just be away from it all. I painted and loved going to the art stores just looking and getting inspiration. No matter what happened, I found a way to make it through.

Then my car broke down, the dealership quoting me repairs for more then I paid for the car before driving it off the lot 3 years prior. I live in Illinois. I can not be paid to be his caregiver because we are legally still married. Medicaid wants us to pay for him to be on it. We don't even make it through the month with his disability check.

This winter was the worse. I spent 90% of my time in bed. Why get up? No one stops by, no one calls, no one to converse with. No support. So when the weather got better I started walking my dog. In that time I've been kicked off the golf course my landlord owns and I live on. My backyard is now used as a golf cart parking lot. My front yard is literally next to the parking lot where I get stared at and made to feel insecure.

So I started walking the road at hours when traffic was quiet. Walking with cars going 55+ on the side of the road is not peaceful. However I've done it, for my sanity.

Ive been stuck in my home since October. No Christmas celebration, no Thanksgiving, no birthdays, no easter. Just here. But I keep trying. And today I am doing his bedding, throw it in the washer and now it's not draining or spinning. Mind you I've had to repair this washer 3 times and it's older than my 23 year old son. I go to clean the living room and the motor in my vacuum just slowly dies. I have 4 eggs, a loaf of bread and am just making it work until his disability check. We already owe his friend and my dad money. Money which we tend to borrow every month.

I can't have anything just work without getting worse. I can't get ahead because I'm constantly pulled back down. I can't keep going like this and yet I don't know what to do. I just want to go back to bed when I wake up. I want to just give up and no I can't. But I want to, and I'm sure everyone outside of my "husband" would be happy I did and they could continue to say how they were right.

My dad constantly feeds my dog anything and everything. He’s making him sick and overweight. Any suggestions are much appreciated!