How long does everyone's PMDD last before the next one hits?
Hi everyone!
I have PMDD, but it is very hard tracking it because 1) I have regular depression too and it is hard to distinguish them sometimes, 2) I am on birth control (Yaz) full time with no breaks, so I don't get a period, and 3) I have ADHD and have severe time blindness. Days and months just blur together for me. Because of the no period thing, I don't even know what is a good starting point to begin a period tracking calendar.
The biggest clues that I am experiencing PMDD is the following. I feel more irrationally reactive to things my husband says that normally wouldn't bother me at all. My boobs significantly feel more heavy, though it takes a while for me to notice it because my boobs are freaking heavy all the time. And my PMDD sadness has a different quality from my regular depression sadness that I don't know how to describe well. It's like my depression sadness is "I feel sad because I have no meaning in life and cannot experience happiness no matter what activities I try; also the world is fucked and I see no future for myself" while my PMDD sadness is "I feel incredibly desolate and I absolutely don't know why. While there are many reasons to feel sad (see above), none of those factors are driving why I feel miserable right now. I just wish I didn't exist."
I am on 20mg Lexapro daily but both my psychiatrist and gynecologist has approved of increasing my dosage of Lexapro either during PMDD or a few days before it hits to alleviate the symptoms. But I have so much difficulty identifying it (not to mention that 90% of my mental capacity is caught up with trying not to lash out or self-destruct) that when I DO realise it is a PMDD episode, it is nearly over. Either that, or sometimes I have a particularly bad episode of depression and go through the "is it PMDD or not?" question cycle.
Plus the last biggest thing that is fucking up my mind - maybe it is my ADHD time blindness, but I feel like it's a crazy short period of time from one PMDD cycle ending to the next one hitting. I have searched up the lutereal cycle but I still don't fully understand how long PMDD lasts. Sometimes it feels like I barely get two weeks before I start feeling all PMDD-y all over again.
How long do your PMDD episodes last? How many days of normalcy do you get until the dreaded next hit? And given everything I listed in my first paragraph, does anyone have any advice on how I can track and manage mine better?
Thank you so much!