Awake 'breakthrough' turned nightmare
Hey folks!
I've had aphantasia for as long as I can remember... First noticed in theatre when a friend told me they could see themselves anywhere on stage and I thought they are super unique and unusual (took me another 5 years to realise that maybe I'm the unusual one!)
Anyways I saw an account from another redditor here that inspired me to try and train my minds eye by relaxing and watching the shapes that form with my eyes closed. I did this a few times whilst resting and it didn't lead to the 'snap' of visuals he described... The moment i looked at any swirls they disappeared... So far so normal right?
Skip forward to tonight. I woke up from a happy-ish dream at 4am that I wanted to get back to but vividness just kept fading into feint lines and shapes until eventually northing again... I had woken up and I'm in bed. Undeterred I wasn't ready to leave haha. I remember the exercise from the paragraph below and started to do it.
At first I saw nothing... But then some geometric shapes started to take shape... Against a black background I started to see what I could see a series of light rectangles form geometric patterns in the center. At this point I'm getting pretty excited as I'm for the first time able to track the shapes and also that they are seemingly not random, there's actual structure! Big success right? (Attached image of loosely what it looked like)visual mockup
For 20-30 secs I just 'watch' as the patterns change until eventually i decide to try and influence them. I tried to 'guide' the dozens of rectangles to form a sword.... A few seconds later ..
SNAP! Faster than a blink I was suddenly in a room (attached a very close approximationmock up ). I was in a dimly lit concert hall and on stage looking towards the full room. Dark around the edges and I couldn't see the back of the hall... There were a few orange/yellow oil lamps or something scattered around. I suddenly felt a mixture of initial excitement as I was conscious in this 'snap' but then I quickly realised I didn't like this space... It felt off. This was not what I wanted to imagine. Suddenly it started to feel like I was in 'hell'. The weird feeling was that despite being aware I was in my mind... This felt realer than real - like I actually was inside my mind and experiencing a more pure form of experience... Trippy
I opened my eyes, looked around the bed... But the flashes of a 'demon' appeared and for a few moments was just coming towards me regardless if my eyes were open or not... Kinda like an overlay where I could see both my room and the demon in the center of my vision. My body moved really slowly (sleep paralysis?) but eventually i could snap out of it. But damn, I've been on edge for a hour and can't help worry this could accidentally become a reoccurring hallucination. This is what I could see with my eyes open
I don't think I've ever had an experience like that before... It felt maybe somewhere between awake and asleep but I felt fully conscious throughout and was very aware I'm attempting an exercise. Even with the hall and demon I knew this was my mind... I just worried I unlocked a skill I wish I hadn't! I should note that I heard no sounds throughout which I normally do when dreaming
Curious if any of you have had similar experiences or know what happened? It is super promising as a way to practice conscious and lucid imagery but maybe 4am in the dark room wasn't the smartest place to attempt 😅
Happy cure-finding folks!