Should we continue ?
Before I start I just want to say I am already praying, digging in the word, and even reading books such as the sacred search to help me right now.
So basically, I am currently on a break with my boyfriend of 4 years. We are each 19 now. He is an amazing guy. Loved me through many struggles, even when I said I wanted to break up, he was very loving. He can just talk with anyone and become friends immediately. He is involved in the church and pursuing his dream career. He makes so much time for me and initiates all of the changes we need to work on, but I am just not feeling romantic. Of course I did in the first few years, but it has since faded and now I am questioning marriage. We did not have true faith at 15, and we were having premarital sex. (Ew we were sooo young….) and I feel like once we took that away a part of the relationship faded. I used to live with his family because mine is messed up, and that mixed with the loss of physical intimacy caused me to begin subconsciously thinking of him as more of a brother than a boyfriend. That was 2 years ago and I’ve since been battling very on and off feeling. One week it’ll be obsession, one week it’ll be normal, one week I will feel suffocatingly trapped and like I am dooming my future self and children. My parents will not be good grandparents probably, and his dad is emotionally absent and I wish I could have some grandparent examples for my children, but that’s not on us. I am very confused obviously. But basically, he is this amazing guy, and I don’t have consistent feeling for him. If I stayed with him he would provide and support me and be a great dad, but I might miss out on having a romance in life. What should I do? I’ve been considering joining online dating with a fake name to see how I feel about other guys, but I don’t want to disrespect him at all. I know I am the bad guy in this and I promise I feel terrible but I can’t just suppress my feelings anymore I tried that and it didn’t help. Please please please give honest advice. I don’t plan on taking it like the gospel but I know it’s easier to see clearly from the outside. And guys, I really do love him. So much, but I don’t know if it’s romantic.