Are you still in contact with SDA family members?
Without giving the whole novel, I’m a 4th generation SDA who was raised in an ultra conservative, fundamentalist SDA household.
I suspect my mother has covert narcissism, and she used the SDA religion as her shield. The non-stop criticism and emotional abuse/neglect, was all done in the name of my salvation.
From a very young age (about 18m-2yrs old) my mum called me worldly. She said it started at a clothing store, I was waiting for her and my grandmother who were taking ages, and as a bored very little kid I was looking at the jewellery and kind of swishing it with my hands. She said that I’d always been attracted and lured by things of the world.
I always knew her behaviour was weird and odd, and without love (hard to explain, just zero connection ever came from her at a heart level). I tried extremely hard to win her affection - doing all the good SDA stuff, and when she still criticised me just as hard I had a bit of an epiphany.. I’ll never get there. That led me to slowly start the process of deconstruction.
The more I’ve deconstructed, the less I can take her and the falsehoods and her own narcissism. That might read as bitter, but it actually feels a lot more peaceful than it looks written. Kind of just accepting it is what it is? I can’t change any of it - the church, her, I can only just.. accept it?
But it’s also led to me being thrown out of my family. That whole having to protect the thing at risk - the church and her. It kind of blows my mind since I’m a parent now that they’d choose the SDA church over their daughter and only grandchildren.
My parents are old too, they would be fully aware of the conference controversy with the investigative judgment, but just choose not to think about it too much so it doesn’t rock their world view.
Is anyone else close with their still actively practicing SDA family? Are they accepting? Or are you like me and have been cast out alone?