r/exAdventist

I grew up Adventist (4th gen) and saw family estrangement all throughout the members in my home church and the extended conference. This included my own family, due to my grandparents’ narcissism (and I literally mean they very likely had actual narcissistic personality disorder as opposed to being extremely self-centered jerks). There were a lot of families that had split and certain groups weren’t even speaking to each other, which made camp meetings strange.

Was this common among most or all Adventists? Or did I happen to live in an SDA conference full of awful people?

I ask because the mainstream conversation of adult children going no contact with parents and other family being seen as a recent “trend”, but it was fairly common where I grew up among the SDAs I knew.

Did any of yall grow up being taught the casino is sinful and gambling or playing certain card games is bad? If that’s a common sda belief, did EGW counsel against that specific thing?

i was talking with my mom and for once speaking candidly about how her emotional abuse and neglect has affected me to this day.

i was just beginning to tell her about the constant stream of "lazy/stupid/liar/wicked" that runs through my head constantly, and she was like, "who tells you that?!"

i was like, "my brain...you—" she was like, 'NO id never!"

me: "yes you. you think i deserve that—"

immediately she jumped in with, "well maybe, you have abandoned god and—"

me: "—AS A CHILD???

she immediately burst into tears, like "how could i" etc.

the point is though, she was still on that bullshit. every mistake i made, anything she personally didn't like, anything i did that was weird or off-putting that is perfectly normal for a kid was treated with you wouldn't be like this if you read your bible and loved god.

i was a CHILD. i did my sabbath school lesson. i prayer every night. i 'loved' god and jesus and adventism. WHAT MORE is a CHILD supposed to do to "prove" that they love GOD.

the fact that she was about to jump into it today, the same she did when i was little enraged me. and it made me sad.

my mom and i think so many Adventist or religious parents pass the 'burden' of being an emotional safe post for their kid. to just be curious and encourage them. blame everything on being wicked and not loving god enough, instead of guiding them to do better. it's so neglectful and leaves kids to stew and shame themselves all on their own.

what a cop out. god and the bible is not going to parent your kids for you. PARENT YOUR OWN KIDS!!

İn the near future, a huge scandal will come.

A country from a Menau/middle east and norht africa division.

Undertable payments

No insurence

No render onto Caesar

Shell company etc.

Anyone from globe, would say "me too!"? Or surely witness?

Thanks

Algo que nunca ni tan siquiera pensar que me ocurriría fuera que hablen mal de mi por simplemente dejar la iglesia, deje la iglesia como hace 3 años obviamente con buenos terminos, solo deje de ir, mi padre a veces saca el tema que pregunten por mi, pero a la vez, mencionan que estoy en malos pasos, que me desvíe,ext. hay veces que quiero hacerme daño, en vez de buscar ayuda, Llaman a un pastor de iglesia...

For context Crosswalk is a progressive, contemporary sda church chain with locations across the u.s. & abroad, originating in california.

I don’t consider myself adventist but I do attend Crosswalk semi-regularly as sometimes I find it nice to be in adventist environment (its hard to wean of a lifetime of only knowing SDA, don’t judge). And weirdly it can be a bit healing?! Huge focus on acceptance and community above all, zero mention of Ellen ever. To be honest, the location I attend feels like a bunch of ex-adventists attending a non-denominational church. Some church members are openly gay, and I’ve grabbed drinks with a church friend. Sermons cover things like social justice, and call out christian nationalism and the harmful aspects of adventism - like legalism and doomsday obsession.

When I hear a particularly good sermon though, I always wonder if they are preaching the same message at the location in the south (probably not or there’d be a riot). I went to a location in the South when I still believed, and it definitely felt different than the one I visit now.

Regardless, I can’t escape that I don’t actually believe the evangelical christian doctrine, so it only does so much for me. But at the very least, it’s a safe place to talk to real people who get sda weirdness.

I almost feel angry sometimes, like - if this was the version of adventism I grew up in, then maybe I’d still be here - I wouldn’t have to give up my community and disappoint my family. Are you kidding - a cool, hip community with no lifestyle restrictions, and I get a free craft latte at church? Count me in! (genuine jk)

Anyways, I’m curious what people think of them? It’s strange, because they’re so far from traditional adventism and almost seem to hide the connection, with all their aesthetic branding and slogans, that you’d almost never know.

Yes or no answers are easy enough

I handled myself poorly in here and i've stopped by to apologize.

No matter what anyone says or does i still need to be more resilient.

Sorry everyone.

I have been an Adventist for a long time but lately I am not feeling it. The thing is, I have members who embrace me when I come to church but when I don’t no one contact me to see if I am ok. I feel that it is very cliquey and everyone belongs to a small pocket of friends and no matter how long you attend you are never considered a full member of these cliques.

Another thing too is the pastor’s sermons are usually based on comparing churches, especially the Catholic Church, and preaching how wrong they are versus how right our church is. I just want to listen to a good sermon about forgiveness and God’s love for all. I don’t care what other churches are doing. I also want a sense of belonging. If my name is in the membership book and I missed a few sabbaths in a row, I would like to be contacted and asked how I am doing. Sometimes just a call is enough to draw you back to the church.

I was baptized and received first communion. My grandmother does not think my baptism counted since I was 6 and had no sins and doesn’t believe in first communion. She wants to be baptized again fully submerged and I’m not ok with that. She wants to teach me the Bible and wants me to read Ellen White’s book which idk why considering this woman is not even in the Bible.

What should I know about this?

She is uber conservative and was raised Baptist (and has always been Baptist). Seems to like (as she calls it) Bible-beating pastors.

Her reasons for conversion are the fact that worshipping on Sunday is “actually a pagan concept” and the SDA perspective on rapture.

I really don’t care what she pursues (I won’t be joining in) but curious about what I could expect to witness.

I remember the behaviors of other Adventist people from believing they better than someone becuase they aren’t apart of the same faith, how other parents are negligent and rude to their own kids, and even question if it has affected my parents since one of them especially believed they are right because they are the parent no matter what, and I believe that Adventism has everything to do with that mindset and behavior.

Hi y’all, Idk if I already count as an exAdventist but I am a conflicted one lol. I still attend church when I can and practice the diet but I don’t really believe in Ellen White and every single doctrine she established. I used to be a faithful one tho and tried to date only within the church but not until now. I just had my first non Adventist boyfriend and despite the fact that I am not very Adventist anymore idk why there’s always a fear creeping inside me that my relationship will not work because my partner isn’t adventist. That principle was hammered in so deep in my head for years so deep that I can’t yank it out. My partner has always been good to me but idk why my head keeps thinking the worst is about to happen—thoughts like he’ll eventually show his true colors, he’ll eventually cheat, etc. and EGW and all the dogmatic ppl gonna say “I told you so.” It’s so hard to be happy when some other voice is whispering to your head “Wait til it goes bad coz ur disobedient. Wait til u cry again.” He never did anything wrong to me and he is very kind but a lot of times I am being held back because of these thoughts. It doesn’t help knowing that ur family and close friends is gonna call you out for it instead of being happy for you once you tell them.

I’ve been checked out of the whole Adventist thing for a while now, but I still go to church bc I don’t want anyone to suspect anything.

I can’t really afford telling anyone in my SDA circle, especially my family. So I’ve been playing along for over almost 2 years now.

Most of the time, I can deal with it. I just let things go through one ear and out the other (at church especially lol). But sometimes, I have so many questions I want to ask but don’t bc I fear it’ll out me or I’ll receive lots of backlash for asking such questions. Im forced into lots of church events/programs.

I’m harboring a lot of hurt and resentment it boils over sometimes and it can get so exhausting, especially how I, as a girl, get treated by the church (or Christianity as a whole for that matter). I hate how I’ve always been made to feel lesser than my whole life.

But I am also so attached to the church bc of the circle of people I have. I care for them a lot and they are the only ones I have.

I know therapy is an option, but my parents don’t really believe in that sort of stuff. I still live with them and depend on them financially quite a bit. I know my school does counseling, but I also go to an SDA one. So I’m kinda fucked there.

Idk, I just can’t wait for the day I can be fully independent and not have to deal with all this anymore.

Sorry for the long rant, but typing this out alone helps. I’d appreciate any advice! And thanks for the kind words.

Was anyone else here raised within a subculture of Adventism where the general conference was considered too “worldly” and instead you would go to weird home churches that were much much stricter than “regular” Adventists? I remember when I was young a homechurch literally splitting up over the use of salt. There are so many nut jobs when you delve into the more conservative layers of Adventism. Also did anyone else go to OHA? It was the only school my mom felt was conservative enough for me to attend.

Has anyone had to seek therapy for the religious psychosis/trauma from the SDA religious experience?
I grew up in a home where my mother was constantly fearing the Sunday law. She was an extremist, pulled me out of high school and shipped me to the Mexican mountains because she thought the world was coming to an end. Long story short I made it back to America where I belong. I’ve struggled my whole entire life because of the decisions my mother made. I’ve suffered of anxiety and depression and after speaking to a therapist, I came to realize that a lot of my anxiety is linked to religious psychosis. Eventually, I had left the Church at a very young age. I was so confused and I felt so unworthy. I literally did not understand what Gods grace meant. I decided to stay away from my mom cause she was not all there always shaming, judging me & most of all fear mongering. I became homeless at the age of 18 . Left the church and literally hated Christians. Sadly the SDA people are so hypocritical and have lost touch with the true gospel of Christ. Weirdly enough I came back to that church and stayed in there for like 20 years. I have had the worst experience within this church. It was so bad that I had to seek a therapist.