I'm kinda having a crisis
I need to have throat surgery. One of my biggest fears ever.
They found on a CT scan for something else my vocal flaps are enlarged one a bit. The other a lot. It explains some things but we are unsure when it happened. Usually happens to long time cigarette smokers. I am not one. I have a rough voice, they asked me when.it started. I laughed "at about 11. Other girls got more girly voices. I got this."
I'm 51, I've always sounded like this.
So I'm getting surgery just don't know when yet. But last week I choked. Chicken that my first thought was "this is Hella dry"
I seriously almost died alone in my apartment. I took drastic measures that messed my throat up more.
But now I feel I'm back at step one. I'm afraid of everything choking me. So chew, but I can't chew to much it enters that texture stage I can't swallow without liquid. And I can't do that now with out the fear of choking.
I fucking worked so hard to eat the food I can, could. Ugh
I cried at the bus stop outside the store. I had a panic attack inside.